u/Babynomoneylol

Today, I had a job orientation w my friend. 6 kami lahat. Throughout the day I tried engaging w them, listenign, laughing along. Talking w them and they kinda did too w me ig. I even tried speaking in cebuano even though I'm not good at it since I'm new here. In the end, they made a "bestie" gc w all 5 of them except me. I feel hurt cz they asked each other's social media accs one by one infront of me but not me. I understand bisaya so ik what they were talking abt and I noticed they tried avoiding looking at me or move their body away.

I'm not uspset abt the gc tbh but i feel sad and excluded and basically hurt lg. I've been dealing w a breakup, abandonments, losing people/friends these past few months. But I still try to socialize and talk to peopls. It really hurts to be excluded again. I'm starting to lose interest in making friends atp. I have a therapist and I told them abt it in detailed but they dont know why too. Maybe i did something wrong? Or I wasn't making enough jokes? I'm js so hurt.

i really want tk kill myself tonight. Idk why but i cant atop crying. Im used to crying silently but rn im sobbing a bit loudly. I can't control my emotions and idk what to do. I tried slicing my wrist but the blade was too dull. I planned on overdosing w pills but my mom entered the room. I snapped out of reality quick bit now i wanna do it.

I want to move out and cut off my famiky and everyone i know. I hate them for making me feel lonely and invisible my ehole life. I hate them for ignoring me. I hate them for mocking me and making fun of me. I wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die.

I've been looking for jobs and my family doesn't want me to work. But they expect me tonpay them back one day and pay for medschool on my own. And it cost more than my college tuition per sem. I hate everyone. I wanna be happy. I don't wanna keep worrying abt this. I wanna be free. I hate them.

I think I'm being scammed again. But I'm not sure.

Im tired of love. Its fake. Atp imma be a gold digger or sugar baby cz these men dont take sht seriously anymore.😒 fking cheating ass mfs. I dont even care abt money, im so fking mad abt wasting so much time and energy just tk get cheated on. But imma start obsessing kn money over men.

I lied and told my wx that i found a new guy and he treats me better and send smoney and sht like that. Even though there was no one. I'm dumb asf and kept giving him chances and he keeps disrespecting him. So I told him the lie and even though I feel guilty, I also don't. I'm tired of getring lied to and cheated on. I'm tirwd of being ignored and called bames and cursed at. I wanna be loved and I want to be loved as who I am and also not just for sex. I always thought it's my fualt he cheated because I didn't give him morw of my time even though I literally go to classes and call w him secretly while doing seatworks. But I realized it's not my fault and he's just a piece of sht. I cursed him and wished him death multiple times maybe out of anger and pain. I tried killing myself multiple times because of him and honestly it's embarrassing, I didn't tell anyone cz it's so embarrassing trying ro kill yourself cz of a guy. I'm exhausted and I want to get rid of him. I wanna be happy and be loved. Please God since I was a kid I've always wanted that. I always prayed to be loved and u gave me a cheating bastard.

I pray he gets what he deserves after everything he did. Ik I gotta forgive but it's hard. My physical and mental health got worse after I met him. He ruine dmy life literally. It's hard to forgive and idk how long til i could. But I just wish I could find someone who genuinely loves me. I tried giving him everything and now I'm done. I didn't want his money or anything and just wanted something real so I'm hurt cz i feel like I got played and tricked.

I don't want revenge. I just want my rpYers to be answered and be happy.