u/Background-Job4241

I had a main perp for years he is gone now but when my life started to improve it got worse. when I started to notice it yeah it ramped up. this didnt feel like typical smear campaigns no something more. he had an expensive laptop and he'd wave it around and overtly mirroring me 1 to 1 in this predatory way. started to feel cultic. but yeah the agressive sexual taunting. I kept saying to myself "he was just an insecure low life scum bug" but the way he'd flaunt it was like a flag or warning. like something much more was happening. this shit is scary im not gonna lie. Ive lost so much sleep and had night terrors over this even tho it was 2 years ago. its pure devils work at play. anyone else?

I grew up in a Children Of God environment, im 21 now still trying to process it all. most of the abuse happened before the age of 12. anyways people knew I was in a cult before I did disturbing how that works. People at school noticed how id speak symbolically all the time, and my teachers. theyd be unsettled. I remember "flirty fishing" to my teacher having 0 idea I thought I was just being nice. It's fucked up. He was scared. anyone else?

both of my grandparents were pedophiles, they would traffic me around the age of 7-12 at church and exploit a few families for spiritual reasons. my grandmother was always docile and creepy. while my step grandfather was just a grandiose weirdo. even as a kid I knew my family was bad. I still would attend public school and had a mom. although mentally ill she was at least a normal person. typical abuse was a break for me at least it was real. it was actually the only way I developed a sense of self. naturally my cult family treated me worldly, not scapegoated but like an actual object. they'd stand very far away from me and observe me every family gathering and point asking about me. my dad would talk about me like im his shiny new car. It doesn't offend me cuz I know deep down they wish they was me. my family gets insecure around me cuz I see through the bullshit.

school was weird for me too cuz id see through all the "rituals". almost like my home life reflected how I saw school. nobody could quite categorize me. my senior year is when my cptsd got super bad and kids actually got scared for me. pretty sure some teachers started to pick up on the fact that my family was a actual cult.

last time I saw them I put hot Cheetos in my Mac and cheese and they all acted like I was a weird alien. I never got emotionally attached to them but it still hurts cuz I know it's fucked up. wed go out to eat at restaurants and theyd bond mocking other families so it's not just me. guess it hurts less now. they do actually think they are chosen by god. they'd track every bite id eat counting it. act as if im dangerous. growing up inside a cult is crazy cuz the media doesn't actually portray what its like. military style? . its psychopathic at heart. felt like escaping a psychological experiment. anti depressants don't do shit for me I have to take Xanax daily to feel like a normal person.

I recently got a therapist and I didn't even know where to get started I said to her "my step grandfather would traffic me at church as a kid". she said how she wanted to throw up. im only 20 years old. actually professionals were more shocked how coherent I was.

multiple people have said to me what ever happened was very illegal, my question is why do authority figures act like its all normal? actually though what the fuck? to me thats the worst part of it all makes me feel like im not even a human being. anyone else know the answer to this.

One of my main perps would randomly project hate to everyone but it was aimed at me clearly but anyways I noticed when I wasnt fitting into said "role" theyd just keep forcing it. if I started to realize what was going on. I was labeled as dangerous or a meth addict. when it was actually my ptsd. when it wasn't landing I got labeled as dangerous. and a potential shooter until I had no choice and confessed my worst trauma wound and suddenly they backed off. made me realize most people do see life like its a movie or tv show. its sad really. suddenly everything was a huge sign of whatever confirmation bias. I dyed my hair black? yeah now im turning into a n-zi. its insane.

my main perp looking back was a loserrr. oh my god. anyone else noticed that? like even when it was all happening I found it weird not scary. when he could tell it wasnt working he would just try to get in my face and when I jumped, of course I did anyone would how is that even fair?? also is it common for the perps to be almost erratic? like my main perp almost seemed psychotic. the most disturbing part wasn't the overt mirroring, or where he would try to sync and sleep when I did. but just how weird people can actually get. it wasnt typical mocking. I saw him more as a pet. I hate how they frame it as they know something about you that you don't, Like even though I know it's a projection I still ponder if it's correct. anyone else? honestly when it was at its worst it felt like I was inside a cult and everyone could sense I was trying to escape.

I did end up calling out what was happening publicly. they really do think if they unsettle you enough you'll stfu. or admire them. its sick. they want you to submit so badly to think it's all normal. I basically said how you're projecting and a stalker. he couldn't really deny it so instead my perp just self sabotaged even more. I was speaking for the room too cuz they want you to think everyone is on it. when in reality other people may be also as confused. The worst part for me is def the a ocd loops in on constantly have to remind myself its over.