u/BadMojoPA

Flashback to 32 years ago. I was a cadet assigned to one of the larger ships in Starfleet, and after a long week I just wanted a simple train ride to Istanbul with Sigmund Freud and Gertrude Stein. That’s it.

First off, this conductor guy running the place was a real piece of work. His breath smelled like the hind end of a jefferies tube, and he kept aggressively asking to see my ticket every time he walked through the carriage.

Then things get weird. How does a train suddenly end up on the wrong track? Who operates this railway, a child playing with a Lionel model set? We were originally on our way to Istanbul, but suddenly this man stops the train and announces we are diverting to someplace called "Vertiform City."

Whatever. I mean, a train ride is a train ride. And honestly, there wasn't much I could do about it since the doors wouldn't open, the engineer got shot, and I was barricaded in the dining car with a bunch of circus freaks. (Honestly, I was sitting between a 1920s gangster, a literal medieval knight in full plate armor, and some Jed Clampett reject who was working on a children's puzzle.) To top it all off, three highly ranked bridge officers randomly showed up, ignored everyone, and started scanning the upholstery with their tricorders.

Like, can a guy in Starfleet never get a break? I finally gave up and returned to my post, continuing to scout nearby sectors for habitable planets (that's life on a galaxy class starship, am I right fellas??) Frankly, this experience really put me off from using the holodeck for a while, and I never used the Orient Express program again.

Anyone have a similar holodeck horror story?

Is this a real photo? What did Shiggy mean by this?

That time my holo-train was somehow rerouted to Vertiform City...