r/ShittyDaystrom

Throwaway because several members of my crew use Reddit.

I honestly cannot believe I'm writing this.

My wife and I have been married for 11 years. We both serve in Starfleet, currently aboard the same vessel. We have a good marriage, or at least I thought we did.

Three weeks ago, my wife was involved in a transporter malfunction during an away mission. I won't go into the technical details, but the result was that there are now two physically identical versions of my wife.

Both have her memories, personality, and feelings. Both insist they're the original. Apparently something similar happened to a Starfleet officer named Riker, so this isn't completely unprecedented.

Initially, it was traumatic for everyone. We received counseling, and Starfleet Command is still trying to figure out the legal implications.

The problem started about a week later.

My wife (I'll call her A) and her duplicate (B) started spending a lot of time together. At first, I thought it was understandable. Who else could possibly understand what they were going through?

Then I came back to our quarters early one evening and found them having sex.

With each other.

In our marital bed.

I was obviously shocked. They were embarrassed at first, but then explained that they'd developed a unique connection, and that since they were technically the same person, it wasn't really infidelity.

I disagreed.

My wife has always identified as heterosexual, so this was surprising enough, but what really bothered me was that she didn't seem to understand why I was upset.

She said, and I quote, "I'm not attracted to another woman. I'm attracted to myself. There's a difference."

I asked if this meant she was bisexual now. She said that was an unnecessarily reductive interpretation of a highly unusual situation.

Since then, things have gotten worse.

They spend almost all their free time together. They finish each other's sentences. They laugh at jokes I don't understand. They apparently have the exact same sexual preferences, which they keep pointing out makes them uniquely compatible.

Yesterday, A told me that for the first time in her life, she feels "completely understood by a romantic partner."

We've been married for ELEVEN YEARS.

When I told her how hurtful that was, B interrupted and said, "He's doing that thing where he makes everything about him."

And A AGREED.

I feel like I'm being ganged up on by my own wife.

I suggested couples therapy, but they insist that if we're going to therapy, all three of us should attend. Our ship's counselor agrees that B is an autonomous individual entitled to her own relationships, but also acknowledges that our marital boundaries have been violated.

Starfleet Legal has yet to determine whether B is legally married to me as well, which is another nightmare entirely.

Here's where I might be overreacting.

I told A that I thought her behavior was incredibly narcissistic. She got furious and accused me of pathologizing an unprecedented existential experience.

B said I was being insecure.

They both suggested I examine why I feel threatened by my wife loving herself.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH MY WIFE LOVING HERSELF. I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER LITERALLY HAVING SEX WITH HERSELF WHILE I'M IN THE NEXT ROOM.

Last night, I asked A whether she would stop sleeping with B to save our marriage.

She said she needed time to think.

B said, "We need time to think."

I'm currently staying in guest quarters.

I genuinely don't know what to do. Is this cheating? Is my wife narcissistic? Am I being unreasonable for expecting monogamy when technically there's only one other person involved, who also happens to be my wife?

TL;DR: Transporter duplicated my wife. My wife is now in a sexual relationship with herself, insists it's not infidelity, and says I'm insecure for objecting. Considering divorce but not even sure how many divorces I'd need.

EDIT: Please stop asking if I've considered a threesome. You're missing the point.

EDIT 2: To everyone suggesting we simply reverse the transporter accident, Starfleet Medical has explicitly advised against this. They're both legally recognized sentient individuals. You cannot just "merge" two people because their marriage is inconvenient.

EDIT 3: B just informed me that she doesn't consider herself bound by our wedding vows because she technically wasn't present at the ceremony. A thinks she has a point.

I think I'm getting a divorce.

Possibly two.

I don't think there are Roombas because we have a Lt Cmdr who would DEFINITELY have an opinion about that. Do they make the enlisted crewmen do it? Is this the real reason we do Baryon sweeps? Do they systematically run all the carpets through the transporter; is that what the chief does all day?

They can't all be stupid dipshits. There has to be a small subset of Kazons, that were actually smart enough to not only find water but upgrade the Trabe ships they stole.

Trading with others, gaining more knowledge and resources. They might have even acquired a slipstream drive and level the rest of the "hillbilly" Kazons behind.

Be ready to post on your social media accounts because this is going to be EPIC

How fucking stupid are they?

Specifically in a highly religious society. It's astonishingly that ie wasn't burned earlier.

And given Data’s mechanical nature, he probably ended up reenacting the incident with Armus with it, oily black sludge and all…

The Starboard Power Conduits, if these are damaged in any way, the Ship is likely to explode. Why dont they make like the Port Power Conduits which aren't as fragile?

This is not because they lack the cultural concept of a heaven, no, they’ve been exposed to other religions and usually believe that these afterlives do in fact exist, but they know that as Kazons they can only go to hell, where all kazons go when they die. This is because even they know that they suck, and their violent practices are simply them venting their disgust and anger at being around such a nasty species (themselves). They readily go on suicide missions not because they’re depressed and reckless but because they know that they do not deserve to live.