u/Familiar-Complex-697

Besides having your hands in your pockets all the time, how does one keep these arms from writhing about like they have a mind of their own when you’re not paying attention

Lore probably got into trouble once or twice for docking his micro-usb into a computer

Go on, tell the galaxy. It's not like there's any privacy on the ships anyways. You could be getting a pelvic exam in the middle of sickbay while the doctor does a conference video call with your captain, that cute Vulcan Lt. Cmdr from the xenobiology lab, your best friend, some Romulan who accidentally joined the comm channel instead of just bugging it and now feels it would be too awkward to simply hang up, and your old next-door neighbor, Ms. Salen to announce that you're relatively healthy if a bit promiscuous-looking, that Hodlon's Space Cervix Worms That Kill You To Death (Mortimulierarius hodlonii) are actually a symptom of stress and that you should take an ibuprofen hypospray, and mention in an offhand, condescending way that "bushes are back in fashion in this part of the quadrant you know" fuck you Dr. T'va I hope you rot in grethor

Let's not have a repeat of last year where half of the proposals were "how many energy drinks does it take to kill a kazon?". We aren't giving you any imaginary grant money for that. (and the answer, of course, is 50 mL of NOS per kg of Kazon with a LD50 of 3.4 L, 800 mL for juveniles. That means a little more than 7 cans will kill 50% of adult kazons, although the following histological examinations and autopsies showed that the cause of death was usually cardiac arrest rather than acute caffeine toxicity, of which we expect the threshold to be close to that of a Ferengi due to the remarkable similarity between the excretory systems and liver efficiency of the two species (T'min et al. 2395).

Or do they only have dry dreams? Will having a wet dream alert the other kazons that there’s liquid nearby and they’ll start sniffing around for it and then you wake up when a chicken comb and a hairy brillo pad is tickling your weewee and *a sehlat comes over and starts licking my tootsies* stop that’s illogical I am ticklish

I used to have this buddy, thought he was real, but then he starts acting strange, trying out little things like putting on a skirt or mascara or telling the coffee robot at starbucks that his name is something like Alex or Ziggy, and later Ophelia or Lily. I liked the name Ophelia, sounded like something out of a storybook. Y’know, one with made-up creatures in it. Thing was, though, he’d only do it when his parents or anyone who’d know his parents or his coworkers weren’t around. He was all secretive about it. It was kinda uncanny when they were Ziggy. Like they were… real, but at the same time not real, sometimes in the same amount and sometimes more one the other. Like a robot with a human mind or a ghost or something. Then they started looking faker and faker until I heard nothing from her but an unearthly, high-pitched voice and servos whirring so faintly I wasn’t even sure were there.

I’ve reckoned some so far:

-Kazon: giblet, dusting (some say “a desiccation of kazons”)

-Vulcan: Logically impaired small person, conference

-Klingon: ward of the state, battalion

-Pakled: nutty buddy, RNC

Even if it’s processed and distributed in the regeneration alcoves, they’ve gotta be getting food for the organic drone components from somewhere.

I mean, besides tricorders and padds. Seriously, y’all gotta be less careless with your tech!