u/Baloneous_V

This is how I know I'm suffering. I've been separated and living outside the house for a few months. The sex life with my STBX wife before that wasn't great to start with. I have been craving affection and physical touch so much it hurts and now entering divorce it just feels gone forever.

This woman was so gorgeous and about my age and it was just her and I in a secluded parking lot crossing paths near a construction site I work at. I made eye contact long enough to give her a "smile hello", but when she smiled and said "hi" and held eye contact, I almost fell apart.

I was tied up with an engineer talking about engineering stuff and I couldn't even focus and i wanted him to STFU so bad. She was behind me about 50 yds drinking her coffee by herself watching us work outside an airport. There were no other people around and it was all I could do to not run over to this person that just paid me attention and ask for an immediate intimate relationship like a crazy person!

I got done with the engineer, turned around and she was gone. That feeling had me walking taller for at least the rest of the day. I guess I'm still figuring out how to feel about my confidence that I'll ever have those feelings I miss so much ever again with another person, or just accept that part of my life is over and "just go to the gym".

I have a dilemma and I need the help from others that understand addiction. She wants a divorce but is on the fence about my seriousness to kick this and supporting me... living separated for now. She's making inpatient rehab a condition for driving the kids, or spending my time alone with them. I don't think the benifit matches the cost and I definitely don't need detox, I'm not dependent, I can go days without drinking and I've been staying sober even separated and with my family falling apart. The solution doesnt even match the size of the problem. At the most I think I would agree to outpatient.

I admitted I had a problem earlier this year and stayed sober for 44 days (PR). I sought support from Recovery Dharma, read the books, pledged here, listened to the podcasts... and then I drank and lied to my wife about it.

Specific to this incident, I lied, she called me out, I admitted it and apologized, we fought, she wanted a divorce, we separated for the night, I woke up and went to the gym, took a shower and met her to talk after she text me, then she proceeded to demand I go with her to the family care doctor. She thought there was some sort of detox necessary. I agreed because that was the smoothest path forward and I was a little curious what they would say. I've told her that's not how this disease works.

Might as well finish this story in a story: They see me in the urgent care and ask what's wrong. I told them I was hungry after my morning workout but other than that I didn't think they could help me. Mind you we have Mexican health insurance and drove to TJ to be seen and these doctors don't speak the best English. They pick up on the marital vibe and say they can give me an IV for an hour and schedule a psychiatrist appointment. I say "great". Then we spend the next 6 hrs silent in a car waiting in line to cross back to the US.

This is not an "amount" issue and I rarely drink to an excess of even being noticable. I go a week or two and then I'll hide 4 shots or vodka. I get the buzz and I'm satisfied I've scratched the itch and I stop. It feels like compulsion that I do need help with, but I don't feel like I need residency.

The hiding and the lying are the issue and it feels more psychological and centered around guilt, shame, self confidence etc. All therapy issues that I work on once a week since I got a therapist. This wasn't the first time I lied about alcohol and she has become slightly paranoid that I'm lying about all sorts of other things. I have a number of character flaws I'm trying to fix in conjunction with being sober and honesty is one of them.

All in I'm not fighting her on the divorce and I agree I should seek professional help whether we're married or not and i do want to stay sober, but I don't think it's appropriate to require inpatient as a condition to seeing my kids. I want to fight her on it but I am "the alcoholic"... who is going to believe I know what's best for me? "It was my best thinking that got me here" kinda situation.

I have a good steady job that I love that's already just barely keeping us afloat financially. I don't want to put my employer in that position. Divorce and rehab taking the rest of our finances just seems unnecessary and not helpful, but I go back and forth between feeling biased. Maybe just bite the bullet to move on smoothly again... I don't know what to do, but IWNDWYT

Tldr; encountered a danger kitty in a campground at 2 am after the comedown.

It was my last solo trip recently, wonderful day camping on the mountain, took a VERY long hike most of the day through the peak, came back on the come down and started a fire. Everything was peachy. I actually got sleepy and closed my eyes.

I woke up after a few hours and the fire was out and it was dark except a little moonlight. I had to peeeee and I wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep easily because I still felt pretty high and got some intense anxiety and some panicky feelings that are normal. It was the cold dark night of the soul kind of feeling where you just want it to be sunrise.

Anyway, I decided to not pee on the closest tree and walked by moonlight to the bathroom which was like 3/4 mile downhill. I needed to move around to get control of my mind anyway. Plan was take some kratom let it kick in and go back to sleep. I had my headlamp with me but I knew the path from walking around and hiking earlier while tripping all day.

I get about 200 yds away and I hear the deepest most terrifying growl-hiss i have ever heard and it sounds like it is 5 ft away. My heart choked my air way and I debated the headlamp. I flipped it on and this mother loving cat was so HUGE and its head looked like a basketball with two glowing eyes like 8 in. apart. It was probably 10 yds away.

I had just spent all day on about 300 ug and I had safely landed and even got some sleep and now here I am face to face with death. And all while people with their little lap dogs are camped all around me in flimsy tents... I panicked hardcore and I turned and RAN for my life. I've never felt slower. Like when you're running in your dreams and it feels like running in a pool.

I made it to my truck and dove in and shut the door. Once I got control of my breathing I dashed for my tent and snagged my sleeping bag and pillow and slept in my truck all night. The good thing was once I was safe I was grateful and my head didn't play games all night and I could fall asleep (I ended up peeing right outside my truck).

I'm still not sure what to make of it. It didn't ruin the trip, but it kind of over shadowed it. There will be more, but hopefully not like that one!

I've had this idea stuck in my brain for about 12 yrs and I've even tried to sketch it out and discuss with fellow engineers. Granted I'm not a mechanical engineer and I'm not Einstein, so the chances of this making me rich are pretty slim, so if one of you can make it math out...

If inflated bags can lift wreckage from the ocean, they can turn turbines and generate electricity. Think large inflatable bags in series on a long line. Bags get filled at the bottom of the ocean, pull the line up and turn the pulley on the generator on the surface, release the air, then go back down to the bottom empty to be filled again.

Now it's just down to how to fill the bags. You could use compressed air or gas fed from a line from the surface. The compressor or the pump could feasibly be powered by the energy it generates itself and the excess energy is stored.

Where is this concept off?