u/Bamboopanda101

So I'm on a quest if you will to find a "cure" for my depression without medicine such as pills and such. I hear too many horror stories with those.

I'll keep in brief I have depression (without a diagnoses) to a T.

Fatigue

lack of hobbies / interests (I have none)

I struggle with the concept of "happy" or "positive" like I feels like I'm pretending to be happy way more than actually enjoying being happy (because I am).

The sense of hopelessness the whole shibang.

I acknowledge this and I'm not foolish enough to try to convince myself that I don't have it.

The problem though is it doesn't seem to have any long term solution and I feel like I'm running out of options.

I've chased things I thought would make me happy such as drawing (my childhood hobby but I don't like it anymore), money (I have money but it never feels like enough and I never spend it because like, spend on what?), charity (it makes me feel worse because they look so happy during it and I wish i could feel that happy), and of course, relationships, (I give my family money, help my wife with their business day in and day out, buy friends foods daily because I desperately want the attention and validation because at least it makes me feel useful (not happy though).

Of course I've tried virtual worlds like World of warcraft and exercise. Both didn't help either (I actually hated exercising lol)

The only things I haven't tried is naturally, alcohol or like you know, smoking but I know how bad both is but I'd be lying if i didn't say I'm getting close and desperate.

and then, therapy which is why I'm here today curious if it really helps as much as people say but I genuinely don't see how its possible. Hearing things like "you aren't alone" or sympathizing I feel although is nice, isn't practical solutions and I'm looking for solutions (I also consider myself very much an analytical person especially for this)

I feel like I'm dissecting the concept of "happy" and I'm missing the chemical X or the secret formula on how to achieve it and again its getting me to the point to try things I wouldnt normally try because im getting desperate for it lol.

So, how does therapy work and help exactly?

A lot of people post like whats your favorite race or class?

Or whats the most popular race?

Or whats the most in demand class?

But I feel like nobody has ever asked what is the most rare or least played race in hardcore?

Thoughts?~

I'm not sure this is the right spot but I just don't know what to do.

I have a full time job. I have benefits. Pay is fine I guess. Work life balance is okay I guess, my hours fluctuate quite often. I have sick days and vacation days.

The work isn't really hard just mind numbling dull though.

But again, I have all these good things going for me that I should be grateful for and that a lot of people would wish for like vacation time and benefits but I swear, I dread going into work every single day and i'm not sure why.

I assume its because the work is so dull and I just simply dont care about the clientele anymore.

I used to have a lot of motivation and such for the job but a little over 2 years in I'm just burnt out and tired and want to do something else.

But I don't know anything else, and again, benefits are too good to let go.

I guess what im asking is how can I find the motivation again?

My steps.

White rice.

I rinse rice

I cook rice in oil.

After browning i put my puree (tomato, chicken bouillon, garlic, onion, water)

1 cup of rice. 1 cup of puree.

I cook it.

It doesn’t blend and what i get is the rice clearly still white and the puree is somehow just not attaching to the rice.

The bottom gets burnt. (Ive tried both low and high heat)

Its both mushy (the puree is still there) AND the rice is raw after cooking for 30 mins on low to medium heat.

What am i doing wrong?