yesterday i was at the gym, and this girl just came out of the shower and she was smelling AMAZING... but i was too shy to ask her what shes using, she just didnt seem the approachable type, or maybe i was overthinking it

her smell was all over the place, she used some kind of oil on her hair that was sooo good :')

i didnt wanna peak on her bag and see what she was using, im gonna look like a weirdo :p

please help a girl out, give me your holy products or tips to smell really good and clean.

السلام عليكم

بدي أجمع توصيات كتب من تجارب حقيقية، مش بس كتب مشهورة.

بدي أعرف أي كتاب فعلاً أثر فيكم أو غير طريقة تفكيركم. خصوصاً ب مواضيع زي التحفيز والإنتاجية، قصص نجاح حقيقية، أو كتب غيرت مفاهيم كنتوا مقتنعين فيها.

وكمان بدي كتاب يصلح أنا وشخص ثاني نقرأه مع بعض ونتناقش فيه.

إذا عندكم توصية بكتاب فتح معكم نقاشات كثيرة شاركوني

i don't know where to share this post, i tried different subreddits, but im not getting any response. my next therapy session is tomorrow, and I really need your help :)

TLDR AT THE BOTTOM

i have been sitting with this question for a while and im not sure what the answer is, so i wanted to think through it somewhere people might have real experience with this.

I'm a CS graduate, about a year out. i have depression and anxiety, and i have been seeing a CBT therapist for a few months. she's genuinely helped with some things, the loneliness, the harsh self-talk, the emotional side of things. i leave those sessions feeling like something shifted.

but when it comes to actually functioning (studying, building things, applying for jobs) nothing has moved. and im starting to wonder if that's because of how she approaches it, or because CBT isn't the right tool for what's actually happening with me, or something else i haven't figured out yet.

her advice on the productivity side has consistently been some version of: make a routine, start anyway, apply even if you're not ready, push through the discomfort. i don't think she's wrong exactly, i think you have to force yourself to do things even if you don't want to, but i also can't do any of it, and i don't feel like we've ever really looked at why i can't. we landed on learned helplessness and imposter syndrome as the explanation, and the solution became "override it by acting." that hasn't worked for me.

what actually happens when i try to work is hard to describe. its not laziness or avoidance in the way i think people imagine it. i sit down, i intend to start, and there's this immediate heaviness, brain fog, everything looks like noise, and i genuinely cannot get traction, everything just sounds like gibberish to me. i have to repeat words so many times in order for me to understand one single thing. sometimes if i push through the first few minutes something clicks and it's okay for a bit. but then the fog comes back, heavier, and i lose it again. and after all that effort, finishing something doesn't even feel like relief. it just feels like nothing, and it puts me in more pressure, because no matter what i do i can never satisfy myself and i can never do something that actually makes me feel like i'm putting effort or trying to be better. i just say you're not even trying, you're not putting effort, you will always and will remain the same way.

i have noticed a few patterns that i keep coming back to:

• deadlines and having someone study with me are the only things that reliably help me focus

• this has always been true, even in university, even when i was doing well

• i don't feel impulsive at all, but almost everything else about inattentive ADHD reads like a description of me, but when i asked her if i have ADHD she said no, you are far away from having ADHD

• the harder i try to force things, the more frozen i get

• i understand cognitively what's happening, i have read a lot about it, but that understanding hasn't translated into being able to change it

that last point is part of what makes me wonder about CBT specifically. the model seems to be: change your thoughts, change your behavior, and i have read that it worked really well and its the best method. but what if the block isnt really about thoughts? what if there's something more structural going on, executive function, attention, something neurological, that talking about cognition doesn't reach? i have been treating this as purely a mindset problem for a long time, and maybe that framing is part of why nothing has shifted.

a few things im genuinely curious about from people who've navigated something like this:

• is CBT typically effective for executive function struggles, or is it more suited to thought patterns and mood?

• are there therapy approaches that work differently, less "reframe the thought," more "understand why the system isn't working"?

• if you suspected ADHD but a therapist dismissed it, did you pursue a proper evaluation anyway? was it worth it?

• how do you tell the difference between a therapist who isn't the right fit versus a method that isn't the right fit?

also, im not in crisis, just genuinely trying to figure out the right next step, because im really tired of this, im tired of having this heavy feeling on my chest. any perspective from people who've been in a similar place would mean a lot.

TLDR: CBT has helped me with the emotional side of depression, but hasn't touched my inability to actually function (study, build things, work). my therapist's answer is always "push through it," but i can't, and we've never really explored why. i suspect it might be inattentive ADHD but she ruled it out. wondering if i need a different therapist, a different therapy style, or a proper ADHD evaluation - or all three

thank you!

i have been sitting with this question for a while and im not sure what the answer is, so i wanted to think through it somewhere people might have real experience with this.

I'm a CS graduate, about a year out. i have depression and anxiety, and i have been seeing a CBT therapist for a few months. she's genuinely helped with some things, the loneliness, the harsh self-talk, the emotional side of things. i leave those sessions feeling like something shifted.

but when it comes to actually functioning (studying, building things, applying for jobs) nothing has moved. and im starting to wonder if that's because of how she approaches it, or because CBT isn't the right tool for what's actually happening with me, or something else i haven't figured out yet.

her advice on the productivity side has consistently been some version of: make a routine, start anyway, apply even if you're not ready, push through the discomfort. i don't think she's wrong exactly, i think you have to force yourself to do things even if you don't want to, but i also can't do any of it, and i don't feel like we've ever really looked at why i can't. we landed on learned helplessness and imposter syndrome as the explanation, and the solution became "override it by acting." that hasn't worked for me.

what actually happens when i try to work is hard to describe. its not laziness or avoidance in the way i think people imagine it. i sit down, i intend to start, and there's this immediate heaviness, brain fog, everything looks like noise, and i genuinely cannot get traction, everything just sounds like gibberish to me. i have to repeat words so many times in order for me to understand one single thing. sometimes if i push through the first few minutes something clicks and it's okay for a bit. but then the fog comes back, heavier, and i lose it again. and after all that effort, finishing something doesn't even feel like relief. it just feels like nothing, and it puts me in more pressure, because no matter what i do i can never satisfy myself and i can never do something that actually makes me feel like i'm putting effort or trying to be better. i just say you're not even trying, you're not putting effort, you will always and will remain the same way.

i have noticed a few patterns that i keep coming back to:

• deadlines and having someone study with me are the only things that reliably help me focus
• this has always been true, even in university, even when i was doing well
• i don't feel impulsive at all, but almost everything else about inattentive ADHD reads like a description of me, but when i asked her if i have ADHD she said no, you are far away from having ADHD
• the harder i try to force things, the more frozen i get
• i understand cognitively what's happening, i have read a lot about it, but that understanding hasn't translated into being able to change it

that last point is part of what makes me wonder about CBT specifically. the model seems to be: change your thoughts, change your behavior, and i have read that it worked really well and its the best method. but what if the block isnt really about thoughts? what if there's something more structural going on, executive function, attention, something neurological, that talking about cognition doesn't reach? i have been treating this as purely a mindset problem for a long time, and maybe that framing is part of why nothing has shifted.

a few things im genuinely curious about from people who've navigated something like this:

• is CBT typically effective for executive function struggles, or is it more suited to thought patterns and mood?
• are there therapy approaches that work differently, less "reframe the thought," more "understand why the system isn't working"?
• if you suspected ADHD but a therapist dismissed it, did you pursue a proper evaluation anyway? was it worth it?
• how do you tell the difference between a therapist who isn't the right fit versus a method that isn't the right fit?

also, im not in crisis, just genuinely trying to figure out the right next step, because im really tired of this, im tired of having this heavy feeling on my chest. any perspective from people who've been in a similar place would mean a lot.

TLDR: CBT has helped me with the emotional side of depression, but hasn't touched my inability to actually function (study, build things, work). my therapist's answer is always "push through it," but i can't, and we've never really explored why. i suspect it might be inattentive ADHD but she ruled it out. wondering if i need a different therapist, a different therapy style, or a proper ADHD evaluation - or all three

thank you!