u/BaseballGrand2811

I terminated with my therapist after a confusing and painful dynamic, and I’m looking for some outside perspective on how she handled things.
A while ago, I confessed to her that I had developed strong erotic transference toward her, and that I was also experiencing a lot of shame about my attraction to women in general. Instead of handling this clinically and helping me process it safely, a pattern of severe boundary violations started happening or at least I’m overthinking it?

Seeking Validation: When I told her my feelings were fading at one point, she laughed and asked, “you are not into me anymore?”

Romantic Hypotheticals: She told me that we couldn't be together because she is "older" and because “she was not my type” based on comments I made about how I would like a woman to be

Teasing Her Sexuality: When I shared my shame about liking women she was leaving suggestive comments that she could also be bi or lesbian

Using Guilt to Keep Me: I tried to terminate once, but she guilted me into staying by saying "therapists are human too and get attached" and telling me how sad she was that I wanted to leave. After that, therapy completely devolved into a confusing "friendship."

When I decided to terminate she accepted but did not offer a final session.

After 4 months I have stared thinking about her less, but I am still cycling through a lot of grief, bargaining, and self-doubt. I find myself wondering if she's thinking of me, or if I could have just "contained" my feelings better to save the relationship.

Has anyone else dealt with a therapist who used your transference to feed their own ego? How did you untangle the confusion and rebuild trust in your own intuition?

I terminated with my therapist after a confusing and painful dynamic, and I’m looking for some outside perspective on how she handled things.
A while ago, I confessed to her that I had developed strong erotic transference toward her, and that I was also experiencing a lot of shame about my attraction to women in general. Instead of handling this clinically and helping me process it safely, a pattern of severe boundary violations started happening or at least I’m overthinking it?

Seeking Validation: When I told her my feelings were fading at one point, she laughed and asked, “you are not into me anymore?”

Romantic Hypotheticals: She told me that we couldn't be together because she is "older" and because “she was not my type” based on comments I made about how I would like a woman to be

Teasing Her Sexuality: When I shared my shame about liking women she was leaving suggestive comments that she could also be bi or lesbian

Using Guilt to Keep Me: I tried to terminate once, but she guilted me into staying by saying "therapists are human too and get attached" and telling me how sad she was that I wanted to leave. After that, therapy completely devolved into a confusing "friendship."

When I decided to terminate she accepted but did not offer a final session.

After 4 months I have stared thinking about her less, but I am still cycling through a lot of grief, bargaining, and self-doubt. I find myself wondering if she's thinking of me, or if I could have just "contained" my feelings better to save the relationship.

Has anyone else dealt with a therapist who used your transference to feed their own ego? How did you untangle the confusion and rebuild trust in your own intuition?

I terminated with my therapist after a confusing and painful dynamic, and I’m looking for some outside perspective on how she handled things.
A while ago, I confessed to her that I had developed strong erotic transference toward her, and that I was also experiencing a lot of shame about my attraction to women in general. Instead of handling this clinically and helping me process it safely, a pattern of severe boundary violations started happening or at least I’m overthinking it?

Seeking Validation: When I told her my feelings were fading at one point, she laughed and asked, “you are not into me anymore?”

Romantic Hypotheticals: She told me that we couldn't be together because she is "older" and because “she was not my type” based on comments I made about how I would like a woman to be

Teasing Her Sexuality: When I shared my shame about liking women she was leaving suggestive comments that she could also be bi or lesbian

Using Guilt to Keep Me: I tried to terminate once, but she guilted me into staying by saying "therapists are human too and get attached" and telling me how sad she was that I wanted to leave. After that, therapy completely devolved into a confusing "friendship."

When I decided to terminate she accepted but did not offer a final session.

After 4 months I have stared thinking about her less, but I am still cycling through a lot of grief, bargaining, and self-doubt. I find myself wondering if she's thinking of me, or if I could have just "contained" my feelings better to save the relationship.

Has anyone else dealt with a therapist who used your transference to feed their own ego? How did you untangle the confusion and rebuild trust in your own intuition?

Hey, I recently stopped therapy. I had created a great bond with her but felt like me erotic transference to her was not really resolving as I felt that sometimes she would make suggestive comments that we could be together and she would ask me stuff like “don’t you find me attractive?” or “am I not your type?”. She created a lot of ambiguity and that thing broke me. Honestly it felt like after I told her about my feelings over her the therapy became more like a friendship. This is why I left… would you do the same?