u/BeQuietAndDrive_-

Hello everyone, I really need some honest outside opinions.

My boyfriend (M21) and I (F20) have been together for about 1.5 years. We truly love each other very deeply, but our relationship has become extremely difficult over the past year.

Unfortunately, he got pretty lost in substance use (mostly weed and codeine), and for months now he has often prioritized smoking, hanging out with friends, or isolating himself instead of our relationship. We used to see each other multiple times a week, but recently we even went through a phase where we didn’t see each other for an entire month because he said he needed “distance and time.”

Yesterday we saw each other again for the first time, and honestly it was beautiful. We both cried, talked openly, comforted each other, and realized that we still really love each other. He told me that the distance is supposed to help us rebuild a healthier foundation because before that we were constantly arguing and emotionally completely exhausted.

I understand his perspective to some extent. The problem is: I’m someone who really needs closeness. Spending time together, physical affection, and seeing each other are extremely important to me. For him, it seems okay to see each other less often as long as we still text and slowly “heal.”

What really hurts me is that during this time, he still hangs out with his friends a lot, smokes daily. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive or if I’m justified in feeling neglected.
He posts edits on Tiktok, which I think is cute, but I find it hard to accept in some way, because his whole attention is on tiktok.

Another thing is that before his exams, he kept telling me:
“Just wait, after my exams everything will get better and I’ll have more time for you.”
But honestly, the opposite happened.

He has also told me multiple times that he wants to go to a clinic or start therapy because he knows he’s lost right now. Now I’m scared that just because we emotionally reconnected again, this whole “getting help” topic will slowly disappear into the background.

My question is:
Should I continue supporting him, stay patient, and hope he genuinely gets help? Or should I start emotionally letting go because my needs in this relationship are constantly not being met?

I’m honestly scared that I will never truly feel like a priority in his life again.

I also talked with my therapist about this, and he just told me that I shouldn’t overthink everything, and that I need to protect my heart. Which is hard because I got diagnosed with BPD almost 2 years ago.. I wonder, HOW I can detach, so I stop analyzing everything he is doing and stop feeling unwanted. Just because he is posting tiktok’s, or is meeting up with his friends shouldn’t make me think that he doesn’t love me. Is it possible for him, when I give him that space he needs, like not meeting that often anymore, being a safe place for him and accepting his boundaries, would that make him ever prioritize me again?

When we meet up, it’s so beautiful between us and it feels like two souls are just connected to each other, and he thinks the same…
I’m just so confused whether i should let him go, or not. Because I’m asking myself, if I allow him that space, will he come back stronger? Or am I waiting hopelessly…

thank you for any advice and/or your opinion on this!!

:)

I need some opinions on this situation.

My boyfriend keeps sending mixed signals and avoiding clarity

My boyfriend (21M) told me he needed space from me (20F) after 1.5 years together. I gave him that space. After that, he only sent me a simple “Hi” and then deleted the message a day later. We haven’t seen each other in 3 weeks because he said he doesn’t want to and that he needs to work on himself because he’s dealing with depression and psychosis.

I told him I wanted to support him and get through this together, but he barely responded to that and then started ignoring me again. A few days later I posted a story, and he suddenly got really upset and accused me of posting it because I “crave attention,” even though I honestly just thought the picture looked nice.

After that he kept making comments like that and then ghosted me again. I asked him multiple times to just be open and honest with me if the relationship is over, but he completely avoids answering that and leaves me hanging instead. Then he only contacts me again whenever HE feels like it.

The thing is, we only live around 20 km away from each other and still haven’t seen each other in 3 weeks. Honestly, it would’ve been enough for me if we had just met for 10 minutes and he had simply told me honestly what’s going on?

What would you do in this situation?

Hello everyone, I really need some outside opinions on my situation…

Warning: this is going to be long.

My boyfriend (21M) and I (20F) were together for 1.5 years. We had our ups and downs, but we always stayed strong together. However, for about the last 11 months, he has become extremely aggressive towards me. No matter what I say or do, he reacts with anger. It doesn’t matter how kind or patient I am with him.

He has developed a serious cannabis addiction over time. He would constantly cancel our plans just to go smoke with his friends behind gas stations or in parks. For months, I begged him to stop cancelling our dates. He ignored my calls, ignored my messages, and when he did answer, he was EXTREMELY aggressive and said I was annoying him. It got to the point where he lied to me constantly, was high every single day, and completely stopped putting effort into the relationship.

About a week ago, he had his final exams and told me that all the stress was because of that. He promised me that waiting for him would be worth it. He said he would spend more time with me, be kinder to me, and that our relationship would have a fresh start afterwards.

Before his exam, I distanced myself for a week because I simply could not handle the lies and aggression anymore, no matter how loving I was towards him. He constantly insulted me and kept getting angrier and angrier. I told him that after his exams, we could calmly talk things through. I reassured him that I still loved him, encouraged him a lot, and supported him emotionally. The day before his exam, I even sent him a sweet text wishing him good luck and telling him I was excited to see him again.

After the exam, I called a few times just to ask how it went. He completely ignored me. Eventually, he answered the phone aggressively and said he had no time for this conversation and didn’t want to talk. He told me he would contact me whenever HE wanted to. Every single day he would say, “We’ll see each other tomorrow,” and then disappear for the rest of the day without even cancelling.

Another week almost passed. Then he texted me saying he wasn’t feeling well mentally. I told him I was there for him, that I wanted to help him, and that we could get through this TOGETHER. I literally said: “If not me as your girlfriend, then who?”

He rejected it and said he needed another week of space. I simply said okay and reassured him I was still there for him. Then he called me, and even though I stayed kind and calm, he became unbelievably disrespectful and told me to “get the fuck out of his life” and that he needed distance. After that, I stopped contacting him.

The next day, he suddenly texted me “Hi” as if absolutely nothing had happened. I have to admit, I didn’t answer. I expected at least a little more effort after everything.

I was ALWAYS there for him. I wrote him long texts, letters, spent hours trying to communicate and find solutions. One time he was so high he couldn’t even drive, so I picked him up, cooked for him, and let him sleep at my place. But I honestly think he simply never wanted to solve things.

I’m scared that if I answer him again, he will just become aggressive and insulting all over again.

He blames me for EVERYTHING and has never truly apologized for his own behavior. He gaslit me for so long that I ended up apologizing for things I never even did.

Some of the things he said to me were:
- “Shut your fucking mouth.”
- “You dirty little slut.”
- “You cunt, I hope you die.”
- “Kill yourself, you cunt.”
- “Shut your dirty mouth.”

And countless other things like this. Every single time, I begged him not to talk to me that way and would end up crying because I was so hurt. His response was always:
“Stop crying, you’re manipulating me.”

What hurts the most is that we also had incredibly beautiful moments together, and I still love him so much… :( Why is he like this? Is this really the end for us? Why can’t he just put his ego aside, reach out lovingly, and genuinely try to fix things with me?

Thank you in advance, and please don’t be too harsh with me. :,)