u/BeachBorn7616

I’m a 24-year-old guy. My best friend (also 24M) has been in a relationship with his partner (23F) for over a year.

Over time, the three of us became close friends. During some conflicts in their relationship, I ended up being the person both of them leaned on, mostly trying to calm things down or help them communicate. Through that, I saw her in very vulnerable moments and started caring about her deeply.

At first, it felt like normal concern for a friend. But gradually, I realized I was becoming very emotionally attuned to her. I notice when she’s even slightly upset. Her mood affects mine. When she smiles or seems okay, I feel relief. When she’s off, it sticks with me.

What’s confusing is that I don’t want to be with her. I don’t want their relationship to fail. In fact, the idea of them breaking up would hurt me. My concern is that these feelings, even if they’re not romantic in intent might cross emotional boundaries if I’m not careful.

I haven’t acted on anything, and I don’t plan to. I also haven’t told either of them because I don’t want to create unnecessary tension or insecurity. I’ve decided to create some distance, step out of the mediator role, and reduce one-on-one emotional interactions.

What I’m struggling with is how to maintain healthy distance without seeming cold or damaging the friendships. I want to protect their relationship and my own mental health, but I don’t know what the right balance looks like in practice.

What I’m asking advice on

How do I create and maintain emotional boundaries with my best friend’s partner when I care deeply about her, without hurting either of them or making things awkward?

Length of relationship

They’ve been together for a little over a year.

TL;DR

I’ve become emotionally attached to my best friend’s partner in a way that feels unhealthy, even though I don’t want to act on it or disrupt their relationship. I’m creating distance, but I need advice on how to do that respectfully and sustainably.

I don’t know exactly when it started, which is part of why it scared me.

She’s my best friend’s partner. Over time, we became close as friends. I was around during some difficult moments in their relationship, and I cared, at first in a normal, friendly way. But gradually, I started noticing things I hadn’t noticed before. Her moods. Her silences. The way her smile affected me. When she was okay, I felt okay. When she seemed off, I felt unsettled.

I told myself it was just concern. And maybe it was, at least at the beginning.

But recently, I realized the intensity of it wasn’t normal. I found myself wanting her to be happy in a way that felt too personal. Not possessive. Not sexual. Just… deeply emotional. Protective. Like her wellbeing had somehow become tied to mine.

The confusing part is this: I don’t want her. I don’t want to be with her. I don’t want their relationship to fail. If anything, the idea of them breaking up would hurt me. What I want is for things to be okay, for her to be safe and happy, so I can finally feel at ease.

That’s how I knew something was off.

I haven’t acted on any of this. I don’t plan to. I haven’t told anyone involved, because right now this feels like my responsibility to sort out, not something they need to carry.

I’ve decided to take some distance... not out of guilt or fear, but because I need space to understand where this is coming from and make sure I don’t hurt people I care about.

Now, it's becoming hard for me. As keeping distance is not helping. Should I tell them my situation? It is affecting my day to day life, what should I do?