u/BeachBoundButterfly

Recently diagnosed (F) and it's now making sense why responses/accusations from people have been what they were in past conversations. Can anyone recommend books, documentaries, movies, YouTube channels, etc to better understand what we do/say differently, how it's perceived and why NT (women particularly) think our brains trigger 'wrong' communication styles?

Not necessarily to change my brain, but to be mindful to perhaps tailor interactions to pacify/appease NT or understand why they need so much attention/interaction. Men don't get offended by directness, etc but women are challenging to deal with, always have been for me. Especially to have them 'get me' if that makes sense.

Add autism and it's like a constant battle of please don't touch, or especially hug, me. Add Adhd and I can't keep up with all the calls, texts/chats, outings and forget to respond bc I end up DNDing to quiet the noise (or just say I'm not going) bc, well...autism side. How are you ladies managing this? Or is it a lost cause?

What do you pay for just 1 phone line and who's your US carrier?

There should be a system added for job sites like Indeed, Zip, etc, that's just like social media, where on the specific job posted (not company wide like glassdoor), you can like, down vote and make comments on it so companies can see and read from us how ridiculous some of these requirements, duties, and salaries are.

Sorry it's long...

I seem to attract high maintenance, clingy, codependent friends that give me sensory overload. I'm a very private person and have pulled back from many women because they touch and talk too much and have no concept of confidentiality.

On top of being an introvert with MDD and GAD, I've suffered from migraines my whole life, survived DV, SA and other things so I am very sensitive to smells, sounds and touch. Just recently diagnosed AuDHD and now my friendship issues make sense.

I'm known to take people breaks, shutdown, and retreat at any given time, not answer calls, texts (now I know those are autism meltdowns) and put on DND just to breathe. It's not planned, it just happens. I've lost a few friends from not answering the phone or not feeling the need to explain my disappearing acts or whereabouts when I do answer.

Examples:

Friend A called me non stop, knowing I was on a flight, spoke when landed, then called 21 times when I was in the shower and getting ready for an event we were going to later...to chastise for not answering at airport and during flight (makes no sense)

Friend B called multiple family and friends saying something happened to me because I didn't answer the phone for a weekend since SHE didn't know where I was (she's hyperADHD so now I understand RSD, impulse and the reason for some behavior, but still overboard)

Friend C super touchy, physical contact, will hold my arm while just standing there. She also told another friend something I told her in confidence to help her in a situation

This is just too much in my opinion.

With this, I understand I can be a lot to women, especially since I don't have interest in typical "women stuff". My dilemma is I realize I need a village, but villagers are overstimulating.

I've said I don't like to be hugged/touched repeatedly, but it's a cultural expectation, so I'm labeled stuck up, antisocial, standoffish, etc and constantly critiqued on this. Loud conversations, coffee and perfume smells, and attending places non stop doesn't work for me, so I'm not invited to mostly anything.

I hate the thought of having to give a full diagnosis list, to be considered and have boundaries respected by others. So do I:

A. have surface friendships that I truly can't be myself in for the sake of inclusion

B. give reasons for my ways (autism, etc) so they get it, but accept women talk a lot and so everyone will know my business

C. continue with life on the sidelines