Lost and irredeemable. I have no mouth yet I must scream.
Oh my God. If you just were to drop me on the street and really really pick and pry at me you will find nothing. A man with no faith in anything, no talent. Just a claim to love learning and on the days I feel like I’m not getting anywhere it is unbearable. I have nothing to contribute to this world but my hurt and my angst and my wrongdoings and for that I fear either the Howell of hella wait me, a well earned karmic suffering or perhaps nothing at all because the universe oses nothing to good people to be reward es and bad people to be punished despite the dictates of our laws. I have internalized a perspective regarding morality that’s is so poisonous and doomed in a way of which I am aware but cannot just ignore. At this rate when all my loved ones perish of old age I will just end it all. I don’t have the strength or support in myself to do anything. I’m just another voice of many from a world of immense privilege who may very well bring the world they came from tumbling down over their sloth. I am immobile. I can’t move. I don’t want to move. A person who doesn’t want to move deserves never to move again because that is what’s best for the world around them and in alignment with their one and only desire. I’m ashamed and don’t have the words to properly explain why nor an ear to borrow, not that I should wish upon my worst enemy to hear me lament over and over semi annually. I want to fade away.