u/Beautiful-Divide444

Just a dumb rant I'm subjecting y'all to so if you're not in the mood please feel free to keep scrolling.
I'm a volunteer EMT/firefighter in the US, but I had to step away because life got complicated. I was always sober when on the job, but I understood addiction which helped give me the ability to be empathetic. I took care of people struggling with it, treated them, talked with them, and pointed them toward whatever resources I could. Fucking loved it.
Now I'm the one sitting on the other side of it.

I'm not working as an EMT right now because I'm honestly in no shape to be doing it. Instead I'm over here trying to drink away all the awful shit I've seen.

I miss being out there so damn much and I still want to help people. But I know I can't do that until I get my own shit together first.
It's just a really sad ironic place to end up.

Not looking for advice or pity or anything. Just wanted to voice it to folks who might actually get it. Seeing the absolute worst of humanity can really fuck with your head, and sometimes it ends with you reaching for the bottle.
Sorry for the depressing ass rant.
Chairs.

Edit: thanks everyone, appreciate y’all

Been trying really hard to taper. Got some really solid advice and resources from y'all on how to do it, so this one's totally on me, but ofc somehow I've managed to taper up instead of down (if that’s even a thing).
To the point, I was trying to drink less and somehow succeeded in just getting more drunk. Ahhh... the CA life.

Just random pointless BS I can't really tell anyone IRL, so instead y'all get stuck with my meaningless ramblings. Sorry for wasting your time.

Chairs!

*edited for spelling and grammar*

I don't really know where to rant about this, and was referred here by another subreddit.

Every now and then (but especially as of more recently) I've had professionals or folks on social media accuse me of using AI when I email or post online, and I’ll get some sort of comment like, “Stop using AI, and actually talk to me like a human being." The crazy thing is, while I openly and unashamedly admit to OCCASIONALLY using AI but ONLY to catch grammar mistakes or typos, I don’t lean on it AT ALL to change what it is I’m actually saying. I try to keep it as genuine as possible.
Part of the reason why every now and again I might use ChatGPT, is that I have some mental disabilities due to multiple TBIs that make me hypersensitive of how I come across in writing. If I’m not super careful, I’m often misunderstood. I spend a lot of time thinking about wording, tone, and clarity. I absolutely understand how that might sometimes make me sound overly formal and lead people to assume I'm simply using AI, but I've ALWAYS written this way since a teenager in the 2010’s.

Now, I'm finding myself intentionally dumbing down my sentences because I'm worried people will accuse me of using AI and sounding in-genuine. People talk about AI causing "brain rot" and making people more stupid and putting less thought and care into what they’re writing, and I definitely don’t disagree with that sentiment!
But now here I feel like I’m facing the other side of that issue, which is by writing in a way I was always taught to in school, can now be commonly flagged as as “fake” or “AI reliant”

Has anyone else been running into this specific issue lately?

(And for the sake of transparency before anyone accuses or doubts, NO I did NOT use AI in ANY form when writing this post)

I've been struggling pretty badly with my mental health lately, and it's gotten to the point where even basic tasks feel overwhelming. Hygiene has been one of the biggest things I've been struggling with.
I'm honestly pretty embarrassed to admit this, but I hadn't properly showered in about a week and a half. I know that's gross. Between severe body dysmorphia making me hate looking at myself and just being completely mentally exhausted all the time, it's been really difficult. I keep finding myself thinking, "What's the point?" even though I know logically there are plenty of reasons to take care of myself.

Anyway, I finally managed to take a shower this morning.

It probably sounds ridiculous, but I'm genuinely proud of myself. It felt like climbing a mountain just to do something that most people don't even think twice about.
I don't really feel comfortable telling anyone in my life because I feel like they'll just think it's gross or weird, so I figured I'd share it here instead. Small win, but a win nonetheless.

I posted here a few months ago as someone slowly realizing the reality of becoming CA and all the misery that can come with it.
For a while, my dreams got so intense that I'd "wake up" from a nightmare, only to realize I was still dreaming. Then I'd wake up again. And again. Full-on Inception-level stuff.
As I started learning more about alcohol withdrawal, I found out this isn't uncommon. Nightmares, hallucinations, shadow people—the whole thing. Holy shit.
Last night and this morning were on another level. I was deep in withdrawal and genuinely felt like Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. I could hear people talking to me who I knew couldn't possibly be there. I kept feeling like someone was grabbing me and pulling me off the bed. Every doorway seemed to have a shadow figure standing in it, just watching.
The wildest part was how real it all felt. Not dreamlike. Not vague. Completely convincing in the moment.
After I finally had the chance to drinkk, it finally began to fade away and I feel a lot more “normal.”
It's honestly crazy to me how little people talk about the psychological effects of severe alcohol withdrawal. Everyone knows about the shakes and the physical symptoms, but the things withdrawal can do to your mind are absolutely terrifying.