u/Beautiful-Light-5970

After a series of horrible vanilla experiences, I didnt dare to even THINK about bdsm as a whole and repressed myself a lot. I’m quite young (just started my early 20s), so no matter how scared I am it’s also eating at me that I’m kind of wasting the years I can easily bounce back from experimenting and having fun.

For context: I’ve been celibate for a while now, and I feel like my hymen has practically grown back. I’m slowly trying to get back into things (because deep down I really want to) but the combination of insecurities and overthinking often get in the way :,)

Recently, I decided to dip my toes in and get the ball rolling! I’ve always known I’ve been into kink veryyy early on, and I don’t mind being vocal about it (just mind actually doing it physically I guess). I went to an open night at my local bdsm club (not my first time there) and somehow ended up making some friends and came back for a play night (also not my first play night).

Oh.my.god.
!!!!!!

AHHHHH I didn’t even think I would actually watch a scene and then I NEGOTIATED AND DID AN ACTUAL SCENE (impact scene with some heavy instruments), and then have absolutely no regrets and be super proud and happy about it!! :)

I felt so giddy, I felt sooooo proud of myself, and, moreover, I’m excited for more!

In the moment, I couldn’t stop giggling, and I was pretty vocal with my limits, yeses and no’s (as well as the stoplight system) instead of hiding in my head, and I’m so happy I got to execute something I’ve fantasized about for YEARS!

Do any of you remember your first scene, or finally trying something you thought of for a while? Feel free to share if you want! :)

One downside I will say is that a lot of people told me its almost impossible to be monogamous or have a ‘traditional’ relationship/marriage when in the bdsm world, and that kind of discouraged me since I’m looking for something more up that route :,) It’s also a bit harder to find people my age… But, I’ll keep looking and I’ll keep trying while staying true to myself!

One thing I’ll ask for advice for: when asked about aftercare prior to the scene, I said all I needed was something sweet and liquids (got both). I was offered a hug or cuddles but we settled with a hand dab (lol) since I’m not super big on physical touch or hugs. I asked if they needed anything or if I could help with anything (I cleaned up and helped them pack!) but they said they were fine and if they needed anything, their previous scene partner could take care of it— is this fine? I feel totally okay about it since we communicated, but I dont know if this is proper/polite etiquette? On one hand, I dont want to force myself to do anything but I also don’t want to neglect a top’s and dom’s needs or if they drop… was I supposed to do more? Does that make sense?

TLDR: Yippee !!!