u/Beautiful-Rise-7855

Hey everyone, I really need some brutal honesty and advice from people who understand the Fearful Avoidant (FA) / disorganized attachment style.

The Background: My ex and I had a very intense, beautiful weekend together, but shortly after, he completely panicked. During our final breakup conversation 6 weeks ago, he literally collapsed from emotional overwhelm and nervous system burnout. He told me he couldn’t do this anymore because of the chaos in his head and went completely radio silent. We had 0 contact for 6 weeks.

Three days ago, out of nowhere, he broke NC and texted me this:"Hello, I hope you are doing well. The way we parted ways was stupid. I think about it and about you often, and I want to apologize for my behavior and the way things went. It was always on me, never on you, that it turned out the way it did. Please forgive me 🙏 I don't know if it's too much to ask, but would you like to go out for a coffee with me? PS.: Great profile picture.... and you still have a sweater of mine. Warm regards."

My Response: I wanted to guard my heart. So I waited a bit and replied politely but with boundaries: "Hello, thank you for your message and your honest words, I really appreciate it. We can gladly go out for a casual coffee sometime. Just suggest a time when you are free, and then I’ll see when it works for me. Warm regards."

It has now been 3 full days of absolute silence. No suggestion for a date, nothing. I am terrified that my message sounded too cold, too distant, or like a rejection to his hyper-sensitive FA radar, and that he has bolted again for another 6 weeks out of shame. On the other hand, he is the one who left, so I felt he needed to do the heavy lifting and make the actual plan.

Was my reply too harsh or did it give him the necessary space?

Is this a classic "vulnerability hangover" because he opened up so much in his text?What should I do now?

Should I break the silence to soften my tone (maybe make a joke about his sweater), or should I absolutely hold my ground and wait?

Thank you so much in advance.

Hey everyone, I really need some brutal honesty and advice from people who understand the Fearful Avoidant (FA) / disorganized attachment style.

The Background: My ex and I had a very intense, beautiful weekend together, but shortly after, he completely panicked. During our final breakup conversation 6 weeks ago, he literally collapsed from emotional overwhelm and nervous system burnout. He told me he couldn’t do this anymore because of the chaos in his head and went completely radio silent. We had 0 contact for 6 weeks.

Three days ago, out of nowhere, he broke NC and texted me this:"Hello, I hope you are doing well. The way we parted ways was stupid. I think about it and about you often, and I want to apologize for my behavior and the way things went. It was always on me, never on you, that it turned out the way it did. Please forgive me 🙏 I don't know if it's too much to ask, but would you like to go out for a coffee with me? PS.: Great profile picture.... and you still have a sweater of mine. Warm regards."

My Response: I wanted to guard my heart. So I waited a bit and replied politely but with boundaries: "Hello, thank you for your message and your honest words, I really appreciate it. We can gladly go out for a casual coffee sometime. Just suggest a time when you are free, and then I’ll see when it works for me. Warm regards."

It has now been 3 full days of absolute silence. No suggestion for a date, nothing. I am terrified that my message sounded too cold, too distant, or like a rejection to his hyper-sensitive FA radar, and that he has bolted again for another 6 weeks out of shame. On the other hand, he is the one who left, so I felt he needed to do the heavy lifting and make the actual plan.

Was my reply too harsh or did it give him the necessary space?

Is this a classic "vulnerability hangover" because he opened up so much in his text?What should I do now?

Should I break the silence to soften my tone (maybe make a joke about his sweater), or should I absolutely hold my ground and wait?

Thank you so much in advance.