Never Questioned His Sexuality Until a Mental Health Breakdown – Looking for Similar Experiences
I'm looking for experiences from anyone who has gone through something similar, either personally or with a partner.
My partner (M35) experienced what seemed to be a sudden mental health breakdown on 31 March this year. Prior to that, he was completely comfortable in his identity, had always been attracted to women, had previous relationships with women, and had never questioned his sexuality. He was extremely secure in who he was, we were also months into trying for a baby after speaking about it for ages due to our age.
During the breakdown, he began experiencing severe anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, constant rumination, and suddenly started questioning his sexuality. The doubts seemed to appear out of nowhere and became something he felt compelled to analyse and "figure out." He has expressed to me on multiple occasions that he doesn't want to be gay as he knows deep in his core he isn't, and that maybe that's denial - he also has said that if he is gay, he will never be in a relationship again as he can't see himself in a relationship the same way and that until his breakdown he loved his life with me and was so excited for the future and says every day he wishes he could just go back to before the breakdown 'when he was happy'.
Since then, he has struggled with:
- Constant overthinking and mental checking
- Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected from himself
- Feeling like he can't trust his own thoughts or feelings
- Loss of self-worth and confidence
- Feeling like he needs certainty but never feeling satisfied with any answer
- Questioning things he never questioned before
He has been taking Lexapro (escitalopram) 10mg for the past 9 weeks. While there have been some improvements in his anxiety and mood, the doubts and need for answers remain.
One of the challenges has been that he doesn't feel psychology has helped much so far because he feels like he wants answers, whereas therapy often focuses on accepting uncertainty rather than providing certainty. This leaves him feeling frustrated and stuck.
For those who have experienced HOCD/SO-OCD, sexuality-related OCD, relationship OCD, severe anxiety, depression, or a similar breakdown:
- Did it feel like it came out of nowhere?
- Did you suddenly start questioning things you had never questioned before?
- Did you feel disconnected from yourself or your previous identity?
- Did you struggle with wanting definitive answers?
- Did medication help, and if so, how long did it take?
- What ultimately helped you recover or start feeling like yourself again?
He has always had an extent of OCD as he is so particular about everything he does in life, nothing is done at 90%, more like 120 (For example: It took him 4 months to buy a TV for his PS5 because he spent those months researching frame rates and modules and just things I would never think of in my life, and his work is exceptional, there is no half-a**ing anything with him, he does everything properly the first time).
To confirm, I am not looking to convince him he isn't gay, if he is, he is and there is nothing I can do about that, but I'm not looking for reassurance or a diagnosis, just genuine experiences from people who have been through something similar and what their recovery looked like so I can help to support him in the best, healthiest way possible.
Thank you to anyone willing to share.