u/Becky-thursday

Something weird just happened and it freaked me out a bit. I just had a phone call with the person who mildly abused me when I was 4 years old and it was a normal phone call and we get on fine now and have done for years. After the phone call, I started to act really childish and I couldn’t stop it and so Google said it was regression and so I did what it said and told myself I was safe over and over again and it worked as I became myself again and at tears were there for some reason. I already knew I was safe so why did it happen?

TW inappropriate stuff

I remember a few things happening when I was 4 years old and have done some research but I don’t know if it counts as abuse since there was no force and I felt fine about it and thought nothing of it until mid teens.

When I (f) was 4 years old, I was occasionally babysat by a family friend and I remember numerous times he would take all his clothing off and encourage me to do the same so we just sat there naked and he would sometimes be watching some sexual content or touching himself.

One time, he asked me to to touch him (like a handjob I think they’re called) and I did it. He then asked me if I wanted to sit on it and I said no, he tried to persuade me but I said no and he said “no you better not”. I don’t remember anything else happening after then.

My therapist said I do have hyper vigilance to some sounds and smells and visual stuff. Also I acted inappropriately as a child with playing and acting out inappropriate scenes alone. I did feel uncomfortable naked for a long time after and switch between being repulsed by sexual stuff to interested.

I question its validity because I told a friend when we were late teens and she said “oh, I thought it would have been worse”.