u/BedroomDramatic8718

Okay so I have this theory of life and I wanted to get some feedback or see what you guys think.
Imagine it’s like when parents put you in a house lockdown. You’re just locked in your room now, you can’t leave, you don’t have your phone or any technology or anything. So you’re just there, stuck. There’s probably some old books or some random stuff here and there, but no tech.
Now you’re stuck there and you basically have options on how to handle it.
I feel like a lot of people just sit there. But the other kind of people... okay let me make this clear first. The parents locked you in the room, except there is no parent. It probably was you who locked yourself in the room and you just forgot about it. That is what makes the most sense to me. Or you just spawn in the room somehow, I’m still trying to figure out that part, but yeah.
So you’re in this room and everyone knows the time in the room is limited. Everyone knows we’re leaving eventually, but yet everyone is doing their thing. And you have a few ways to react to it:
First, you could be like "man why am I in this room? There’s no point in this, fuck this shit" and you’re just gonna sit there and whine.
Or you could be like "why am I in this room" and spend all your time trying to figure out how to get out, or if there is even anything outside the room, or if this room is everything. Just asking a million questions.
Or you could be like, look, you know there’s something outside this room and you know your time here is limited. You’re gonna leave anyway, and you are stuck here for now, so might as well see what is actually in this room. It doesn’t really matter anyway, so might as well just clutter up the whole room. Let’s see what happens, let’s find the absolute corner of the room, you know?
I feel like cluttering it up and just exploring it is the only thing that makes sense if the time is limited anyway.
Let me know if you guys have any feedback on this or any thoughts, thank you.

I grew up an only child in an orthodox Hindu family that had to be a little secular, so I got taken to a lot of different religious places. Even as a kid I don’t think I ever fully enjoyed being a kid. I felt everything everyone else felt, but there was always this third-person view running in the background that would change how I reacted to things.
I used to do this thing where I’d visualize my next day, or things I wanted, and I’d ask for them — but not to god or anyone outside. I’d ask a slightly older or younger version of myself, like an imaginary friend that was just me. I never told anyone. And things would actually turn out the way I pictured them. Not instantly, but enough that I stopped being surprised by it. I thought I was special. I also thought everyone probably had their own version of this, so I shut up about it.
Somewhere along the way the line between my body and that voice stopped feeling like two things.
I finished a CS degree last month, mostly for my parents, and felt nothing at the end of it. They’re the happiest they’ve been. They keep asking about the job search. The market is cooked but that’s genuinely the least of what’s on my mind.
Earlier this year something shifted. That childhood feeling of guiding myself came back, except it didn’t feel like just me anymore. It felt like the thing I used to call “me, a little older” was never just me. I went down the whole rabbit hole — spirituality, philosophy, history, Shiva, Buddha, no free will, live in the present, all of it. And it didn’t feel like learning new things. It felt like remembering.
I smoke weed every day to slow the thoughts down. I know that’s not a real answer. It’s the only thing I’ve found in 22 years that turns the volume down enough to function. Sober, I can hear everything — every problem, every layer, all of it at once. People keep telling me to try shrooms. I don’t know if that’s the next door or just spoilers.
I don’t want to ditch the people who love me. I also can’t pretend none of this is happening and go take a nice job and act like the kid they think graduated last month. I don’t know where to put any of this. I probably have posted less than 10 times yet in this life because something feels like even every answer to this is scripted by someone. Like I’m sorry I don’t mean to offended anyone but like any answer I’m going to get to my questions is what that thing wants me to hear.

I grew up an only child in an orthodox Hindu family that had to be a little secular, so I got taken to a lot of different religious places. Even as a kid I don’t think I ever fully enjoyed being a kid. I felt everything everyone else felt, but there was always this third-person view running in the background that would change how I reacted to things.
I used to do this thing where I’d visualize my next day, or things I wanted, and I’d ask for them — but not to god or anyone outside. I’d ask a slightly older or younger version of myself, like an imaginary friend that was just me. I never told anyone. And things would actually turn out the way I pictured them. Not instantly, but enough that I stopped being surprised by it. I thought I was special. I also thought everyone probably had their own version of this, so I shut up about it.
Somewhere along the way the line between my body and that voice stopped feeling like two things.
I finished a CS degree last month, mostly for my parents, and felt nothing at the end of it. They’re the happiest they’ve been. They keep asking about the job search. The market is cooked but that’s genuinely the least of what’s on my mind.
Earlier this year something shifted. That childhood feeling of guiding myself came back, except it didn’t feel like just me anymore. It felt like the thing I used to call “me, a little older” was never just me. I went down the whole rabbit hole — spirituality, philosophy, history, Shiva, Buddha, no free will, live in the present, all of it. And it didn’t feel like learning new things. It felt like remembering.
I smoke weed every day to slow the thoughts down. I know that’s not a real answer. It’s the only thing I’ve found in 22 years that turns the volume down enough to function. Sober, I can hear everything — every problem, every layer, all of it at once. People keep telling me to try shrooms. I don’t know if that’s the next door or just spoilers.
I don’t want to ditch the people who love me. I also can’t pretend none of this is happening and go take a nice job and act like the kid they think graduated last month. I don’t know where to put any of this. I probably have posted less than 10 times yet in this life because something feels like even every answer to this is scripted by someone. Like I’m sorry I don’t mean to offended anyone but like any answer I’m going to get to my questions is what that thing wants me to hear.