u/BeeDefiant8671

1. Let’s agree that a sexless marriage or dead bedroom is less than once every 6 months for this discussion.

2. Let’s assume at some point in time in the relationship, the two partners had sex regularly. Let’s describe that as once a month.

In researching the “Negating Pattern” a LLs rejections and asserting changes to the original connection… is that negating the NL (normal libido) needs.

Negging is an interesting aspect in dating and evidently married life. This is the **negging energy after hooked into commitment.**

Your sex drive is negated.

Your desire, your choice…. (Because we chose them) is negated.

The vows are negated.

Using this language really clicked for me.

How does the word land with you?

It started when our child was born. He never touched my shoulder, my hip… looked me in the eyes. It was an iceberg.

Intimacy was gone.

Like a garage door closing.

Today, It’s been 6y since we’ve had sex. We were in therapy and “it’s me… he’s working on it” to the therapist for 2y with zero improvement.

Our youngest goes to college next fall. And his latest sayings are about work (and maybe me???) “I’ve just gotta make it five years and get daughter thru college.” Says hubby.

Does he mean ME and US as well?

Lately, at our 28th anniversary and my birthday this month he’s been saying: “We do cool things. We go on adventures.”

But it feels contrived and like he’s checking off boxes.

I don’t remember that in our vows. If I were to guess he’s breadcrumbign me so I don’t break up with him when our daughter goes to college and I have a chance at happiness with another person.

He wants me to sink another five years in and by then be compliant enough to nurse him thru his elderly years. He’s 8y older than me. But always seemed more my age.

Today, He’ll suggest let’s do a hike/kayak/yurt for our anniversary. And I say to him “that really doesn’t seem like you, Hubby.”

He’s been removed and disengaged for so long, his effort to like and do things I like to do feels faked.

It’s so weird. When I met him we were very in synch. But I believe he lied about everything he liked that I liked. Mirrored.

His family of origin are porch sitters, gossipers and recliner sitcom and reality show watchers.

I’m a dog lover, hiker, biker, sitting in the sand. Flying a kite or playing a game of cards while staring at the sunset. Camper. Reader, home project. Sex, touch an intimacy with eye contact once a month (minimum).

I wonder why… he’d lie and say he liked the things I liked?

Now, I see it when he fakes it.

It’s clear he doesn’t choose and desire what I desire.

Does the sexless mate ever fake it with you?

At first I thought it was anhedonia. And understood the elevated heart rate. And worked thru this response.

But then, over time, something changed in me. His medication has an edge to it.

And I read about the Glucagon creating a Fight-Flight response in some… and that makes sense.

I was on Tirz for 14 mon and it was very positive. Clear headed. Energized. Was able to DO things, workout.

Today, on Reta… I feel not like myself. Frozen. Not defensive but very argumentative. And removed. I’m having a problem with positive emotions and energy.

I was contemplating speaking to my doctor about some medication… and then. (As I did when my mom died).

But then, I realized, switching from Reta to Tirz might be a better answer at feeling more positive.

Question: Anyone else experience a glucagon reaction leaning into fight-flight-freeze?

Just saying our Junior got a 1210 on the SAT: Written 680 and Math 530. She hasn’t finished Algebra 2 yet. And is about to take an SAT Prep class to up her score.

Just saying homeschool can produce high scores and good results to launch into college.

Costco now offers a bag of cooked Chipolte chicken and it is a great corner stone to keto.

(They also sell low carb tortillas.)

Anyone else using Souper Cubes? And if so will you share go to keto recipes?

(As the title suggests) I’m using the Chipolte Costco chicken in a cube tray for grab and go lunches that an air fryer makes amazingly.

50F.

I’ve always been busy with life. But I’m at this season where everything is changing (youngest going to college) AND feeling Anhedonia on Reta.

That food is boring is ok.

That spending projects or hobbies hold no interest—- isn’t good.

I’ve always liked hiking, kayaking… connecting with the kids.

Now… I’m just bored with so many things that are needed of me.

Coming a family meal.

Laundry…

I’m just done.

How much of this is Anhedonia.

How much is just a season of life change?

I’m on a very low maintenance dose of Reta. 1-1.4mg every 4 days.

I’ve been cleaning closets, donating and rebooting my career. But even my aquaintances and connections- I just feel BLAH about.