u/BeePrincess-2222

i left him because he never put in the effort and he was very avoidant and he was just very bad he drove me to the point where i actually became insane and my mental health was so bad i wanted to harm myself. i'm blaming myself for acting crazy because i don't want to blame him but he really drove me insane i always tried fixing our problems and communicating and he never did anything. he would act different for weeks and i would beg him to say why and he would say nothing then tell me about it after weeks and he knows i get anxious with uncertainty. i've hated him for months and i deleted everything that concerns him but now i feel i kind of regret deleting it, i accidentally came across our missed calls and thought of how we use to call all night and talk and flirt and i miss that so much. i miss talking to someone before i sleep and i miss having someone there and i miss being in love

i met this guy about 2 years ago and we stayed in contact only because we both live abroad and we’re from the same nationality. he gave me a sense of comfort because he was from the same exact background and culture, and also similar circles from back home. he tried to get closer to me multiple times but i always showed no interest back. fast forward to last summer, we started dating and it was fine in the beginning but then it got very emotionally exhausting for me. for context i study psychology and ive gone to therapy for years so naturally i do know that i have more emotional intelligence than a person who didn’t but at a certain point it felt like i was babysitting him. he is a bit avoidant and so am i sometimes but he seemed immature, he would hide some stuff from me and when i found out he would say that he was too scared of telling me and then i would leave or get upset. once, we were arguing very bad, he hid that he used to like a family friend that he still sees and hangs out with (they’re neighbors) and i found out by coincidence, he told me he considers her a sister and that the only reason he used to like her was because he was overweight and had low self esteem, i told him i felt betrayed and that he shouldn’t be in contact with her, and i don’t like the way she talks to him, he disagreed with me and we fought about it for weeks, at some point he did agree with me and then told me he just lied because he was scared i would leave him. for me, i think a loyal, mature person would stop hanging out with her without me having to ask for it, he kept on telling me he felt too shy to tell her he can’t be in contact anymore which is another red flag for me. i also felt a lot of burden because i felt i had to carry us both, if i am upset about something he did, he would say oh im a bad bf maybe u deserve better than me, and i expressed that he shouldn’t say that when im trying to communicate but still no change.

i am a very very private person and none of my friends know anything about me or anything i went through as a child and he’s the only one who i fully opened up to, so i feel that it’s the only reason i want to go back, because i was able to open up to him.

another reason i feel like he is the one because he was genuinely my best friend, i loved doing stuff with him and i enjoyed his company, i had fun with him and i thought it was fate because we were in similar social circles at home and lived a few minutes away and we still met abroad so i thought he was my soulmate

i feel that i also don’t want to be unfair and mention his wrongings only because at a certain point i got so burnt out and exhausted from carrying the weight of the relationship and i had a mental breakdown and i got really angry and depressed, i had to start seeing a therapist, this was during the time we were fighting really bad over the family friend situation.