Looking for Advice on Executive Dysfunction and Decision Paralysis with regards to Art
Hi, I don't post super often, but this is an issue I've been having for a while and I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced something similar/how they dealt with it. This might be a bit of a long post 😅.
Basically, I feel that executive dysfunction and decision paralysis are getting in the way of me creating art (and finishing it). I'm interested in writing, drawing, and making music. I have so many ideas, but I'm never able to act on them. Whenever I start something, I'm never able to finish it. If I can't finish something to some degree, I'm not able to share it. The issue isn't that I have no time or that I don't have the skills or interest, I do! I went to art school for five years with the intention of being a professional artist, but six months of decision paralysis and not being able to create anything on my own after graduating made me realize I couldn't make it in an art profession with the way I am currently. I did really well with the structure of art school, but without any structure I completely flounder on my own. I'm pursuing a Bio degree right now, and I think its my real calling because its more structured, more "hands on" and I have to be "in my head" less, but I still have artistic ambitions. I have hundreds of short stories, drawings, comics, animatics and animations along with two fully outlined novels that I've written 50,000+ words for and just never finished. Whenever I try to pick one back up my immediate mental response is "no, you have more important art to work on!" Or "no, you should work on the other thing first!" Or "If I work on this now I'll get frustrated with myself when it isn't perfect!" Or "its a waste of time to work on this, you're not going to finish it anyway!" Or "no one will like this, and you'll regret wasting your time making it!" I then get upset with myself for spending so much time doing nothing. I also get ridiculously jealous whenever I see something someone else has created (ie a novel, comic book, art etc.) because I think to myself "How come they're able to follow a task through to the end and I'm not?" I know some people's philosophy is just "work on something while it makes you happy, and then don't bother with it after you've lost interest" but these are all things make me happy- plus I feel so satisfied, capable and proud of myself on the rare occasions that I'm actually able to finish something.
I've been seeing a therapist for this and other issues for about a year now, and I haven't really made any progress in this specific regard. She's really a great therapist and the first therapist I've had in a decade that's actually helped me, especially with executive dysfunction in other arenas, particularly daily tasks like eating 3 times a day, exercising, showering, sleeping enough etc. It's really just this issue. I don't know if it's because I'm not explaining it well enough, or if it's something that's not translating properly due to being specifically art related.
I've tried "brain dumping" (writing down all my ideas as I have them) but I'm just not able to prioritize one over the other or arrange them into any sort of order, as they don't have deadlines & there's no outside pressure on me to work on them.
Also, I've started listening to the audiobook for The Adult ADHD and Anxiety Workbook (which I also have not yet finished).
I'm probably going to post this in a few places, just because it's something I really want help with. If anyone has had the same predicament and has found some solution that helped them, please let me know!
Tl;dr: Executive dysfunction and decision paralysis stop me from committing to an idea and making art. If anyone has experienced something similar and has any helpful advice, please let me know 😄 I'd greatly appreciate it.