My in-laws brought a young and attractive stay-in maid into our home despite my objections.
I (F26) am married to my husband (M24), who comes from a very conservative Muslim family. I also come from a Muslim family, but not as religious as theirs. Early on, they really did not want us to get married because they wanted someone religious and devoted to Islam for him. I honestly think they only accepted the marriage because I got pregnant.
Ever since I got married, I’ve felt heavily judged and micromanaged by his family. From naming my child to how I handle motherhood, I constantly feel like everything I do is wrong in their eyes.
We currently live in their ancestral home because we cannot afford our own place yet. It’s a house with around five bedrooms. During summer or holidays, relatives come and stay here for months, but most of the year it’s mainly just me, my husband, our baby, and my husband’s grandmother.
For context, I work remotely as a business development representative on graveyard shift (8 PM–5 AM Philippine time). Because of that, I already hired a nanny for my baby, and she also helps with mild household chores.
A few months ago, my husband’s aunt called saying they found a “working student” from a remote area who would work as a stay-in maid in the house. This girl lives around 8–9 hours away from us, which already felt odd to me because there are thousands of people they could hire closer to our area.
I told them we already had a nanny/helper and didn’t need another one. They replied that this new girl would just be “a helper for the helper.” I also said I could not afford two helpers, and then they told me they would pay for her themselves.
A few minutes later, the aunt called my husband privately (not realizing I was beside him silently listening). During the call, she told my husband, “You know, she’s really pretty.”
That immediately rubbed me the wrong way. Why would you tell a married man that the young woman you’re bringing into his home is really pretty? Maybe some people won’t find that weird, but I personally found it distasteful.
I ended up fighting with my husband about it and told him I did not want her staying here. Not because I thought he was cheating or unfaithful, but because I did not want to willingly create a situation that could potentially ruin our marriage later on.
This girl is from a very conservative Muslim area in the Philippines where interactions between men and women are much stricter. She prays five times a day, wears hijab, and is from the same tribe as my husband. Meanwhile, I already feel like his family dislikes me because I’m not religious enough for them.
My husband actually told his aunt not to bring her here because he knew it would cause issues between us, but they brought her anyway when we attended a family event. At that point, I told my husband I would rather stay at my parents’ house than live in the same house with her.
Eventually, they moved her to another aunt’s house around 15 minutes away, so things calmed down temporarily.
Fast forward to today during Eid al-Adha.
The aunt who took her in brought her here again for the celebration. We all went to the prayer area together. The weird thing was that while the younger cousins were sitting in the back of the pickup truck under the heat, this girl was comfortably sitting inside the air-conditioned part of the vehicle. It honestly struck me as odd considering she was supposedly just “the helper.”
Then I finally saw her properly for the first time and honestly… she is very attractive. Pretty face, skinny, beautiful smile, small eyes, pointed nose, very feminine. And I immediately felt jealous and angry.
Maybe this is where people will think I’m toxic or insecure, but I want to be honest because I want real advice.
The entire time, I felt like she knew she was attractive. She would stare at random people, and when they stared back, she would smile and look down shyly. She kept doing it over and over. She also kept staring at my husband, and at one point when me, my husband, and my baby were taking photos together, I caught her staring again.
I stared back at her with a raised eyebrow, and she smiled at me.
That honestly made me more upset.
What also bothered me was that despite supposedly being hired as a helper, she barely helped with anything during the gathering. Me and another wife in the family were helping arrange tables and food while she spent most of the time chatting, laughing, and casually walking in and out of the house looking very comfortable.
Eventually I got overwhelmed and took my baby upstairs because I felt myself getting angry and shaky.
I told my husband I felt jealous and uncomfortable and honestly expected comfort or reassurance from him, but instead he stayed downstairs while I was upstairs upset.
So now I genuinely want outside opinions.
Am I overreacting?
Because in my head, even if someone trusts their spouse, isn’t it normal not to want to create unnecessary temptation or emotional closeness between a young attractive woman and your husband when they would literally be living under the same roof?
I know people will say, “If your husband is loyal, nothing will happen,” and I understand that. But I also think people can unexpectedly develop feelings over time through proximity and familiarity.
I also can’t shake the feeling that my in-laws knowingly ignored my discomfort because they never truly liked me in the first place.
I honestly just want unbiased opinions because right now I feel like nobody around me understands why this bothers me so much.