u/BekkisButt

It’s a long story, but the basics are that my narcissistic, now ex, boyfriend bought a bunch of thc gummies, some Sudafed and I don’t know if he had any gabapentin with him, but he had refilled it more than three times in the past year.

He has half custody of his son and on his weekend left for a planned trip about 13 hours away, 700 miles. He was getting high every day. I couldn’t believe that he would drive that far with his kid while high for the whole weekend. We had also gotten into a recent super heated argument bc he snapped on me again, screaming and in my face spit hitting me.

I reached out to his ex and told her that I think he was going to be high all weekend, he had his receipts in the trash and left while I was at work. She then filled for emergency custody and is taking him back to court. He has a history of addictions. He’s been sober for over two years and has now stopped the thc but only after all of this.

He has made me feel so guilty and takes no accountability for what his choices and actions. But here I am feeling guilty and like shit. Had it been my child and no one told me I’d be pissed. What if something would have happened.

I’m really struggling about if this was too far. I can’t take it back. I didn’t report anything about him being high to the police or doing it with his kid.

My therapist, family and friends all say it was the right thing to do but now he has me feeling so shitty that I don’t know.

Thoughts?

Wisconsin.
I have owned my home for 20 years.
My boyfriend moved in 11 months ago.
He has these cycles that he goes into where he flips out and snaps on me for something random. Once it was bc I wanted a hug and it was “an inconvenient time” for him, once bc I gave him my thoughts on how to attack cutting down a tree in my backyard, any opinion differing from his is like an attack on his intelligence or seen as controlling. For anything. Once was bc I asked him to make sure the shirt he dropped gets back into the donate bag instead of the laundry to be put away.

So him snapping on me involves him yelling, sometimes screaming, slamming doors, hitting himself in the sides of the head (sometimes while calling himself stupid), sometimes sleeping in a separate room. Always around 40 text messages, per day over 2-3 days telling me why I’m the problem.

We have tried “fair fighting”, he will nitpick every word I use rather than listen to what message I’m trying to convey. He will change the subject and talk over me.

The worst, and this is what I’m really afraid of, he makes up random lies as intimidation or threats. Like he’s said he’s terrified of me or that I’m a threat or my oldest son is, (my oldest son doesn’t even talk to him, look at him and will not stay in the same room as him.) once he said “someone” keyed his truck, then I looked at the ring camera and he hoped right into his truck, didn’t stop and look at anything and then sat there and texted me that. When I asked him a few days later to show me what he was talking about because it’s a new truck and he should file a police report he said, “ oh, it wiped off.”, he has made numerous comments in text about me and my oldest son being a threat. I have sent him a few, please leave the premises and move out and here’s your 28 day notice. Wisconsin. He always finds a way to cry a few days later and make me feel bad and take him back.

This time, I’m standing my ground. He finally agreed to go to couples therapy with me and a few days later flipped on me. In addition to all the usual slamming, stomping, yelling, hitting himself, he came into our room and got inches from my face and was screaming at me. Spit was hitting me. I told him to back up and he wouldn’t, so I backed up and he came back into my face. So I turned around and made my way to a different door bc he was in front of the main door.

He will make up lies and say them over text like as if that makes it true. Blatant lies.

My fear is that if I stick to my guns and make him move out that he is going to snap and say something to get me and/or my oldest son in trouble. I’ve talked to the local police twice so they have a record. I will not lie and say he’s hit me or pushed me. I can’t do that and sleep well with my conscience. He hasn’t yet hit me. He did choke his ex wife once when they broke up and she was able to get a restraining order against him.

I am terrified of him lying and getting me in trouble. He told me to my face once that I hit him! I absolutely have never. He has choked me and slapped me numerous times in bed, some of those went too far. But it started as consensual. So I can’t say that counts.

I’m just scared and this fucking hurts bc a year ago we were looking at rings and talking about planning a wedding. I do love him. But this is so toxic now and I’m afraid to be alone with him.

Any support or advice helps bc I feel so alone in this mess. He also is financially threatening me, he lets the electric bill go three months until we get a disconnect notice in order to hold that amount of debt over me incase we get into a fight and then I’ll be stuck with no way to pay it. Same with the phone bill. Those are the only two things he pays himself, the rest is by me and I have him contribute to the other bills to 50/50. Although he makes almost twice what I do and has said a few times before that he “should be paying the lions share.”