u/Bellbird1993

Hi, thank you for reading my post.

I (22) don’t feel very attached to labels but if I had to choose some, non-binary and pansexual would fit best. I fell out of touch with my friends when I was 19 due to mess happening in my life and I never made any new friends. I’ve been wanted to make connections again (old and new) but I don’t want to do that if it’s built off a lie on who I am.

I’m not in fully in the closet (some family members know about my sexuality but not gender), but I’m also not obviously queer despite introducing myself with a different name to the one on my ID. On one occasion, someone asked for my pronouns and I felt like my heart was going to give out with how quickly I started panicking.

So, I’m scared of my sexuality and gender despite it being something I cannot ignore or separate from myself. I can’t focus on anything because all I can think about is how awful I feel about lying and being too scared to do anything to alleviate my dysphoria. I have this clear picture of what I want my future to look like and it’s everything I was raised not to want, but I want it so bad I feel crazy.

Every day, I feel closer and closer to breaking point and I don’t want to find out what that looks like because I’m living a lie and I’m too scared to stop. I live in a country that is considered to be LGBTQ+ friendly so there’s a lower chance I could get hurt being visibly queer. But I’m ethnically from countries where it is not safe and those worries have stuck with me, despite growing up where I live now. I’ve been genuinely considering just going back into the closet by trying to actively present cis/straight - which honestly is a terrible idea because I can barely stand being half out of the closet.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Has anyone else felt scared in the past, and how did they stop and find the courage to just be honest?

Thank you for reading this.

Hi, thank you for reading my post.

I'm in my 3rd year of my undergrad and will be a part time uni student from the beginning to mid next year to make up my final credits. I don't want to do my current studies for a career and have been very interested in doing a paramedicine degree. I've read and watched a lot of accounts to get an idea on what the job is like, but as I have autism, I'm uncertain if I really understand how taxing be a paramedic can be.

I'm considering applying to be a Communications Assistant/Control Centre Officer and working in that for a few years as it has shift work and is an adjacent career. My reasoning was, if I can't handle being a CA/CCO, I won't be able to handle being a paramedic and need to re-evaluate my options.

My questions:

• Is this poor reasoning?
• The application criteria for CA/CCO asks for work history; are there certain jobs that look better that I could try and take before applying? I have not had a job since I was 19 so my resume is very empty and I need over 6 months of references from 2 professionals who have supervised me and I don't think my old jobs will refer me.
• If I apply to be a CA, could I transition later on into CCO?
• Does having an autism/depression/anxiety diagnosis exclude me from applying? All of these conditions are under control and the mental health diagnoses do not affect my daily functioning.
• What do the employment contracts look like? If I get accepted and pass training, is it a lock in 12 months? I don't intend to resign but if I needed to, what is the minimum working period?
• Is it possible to do an paramedicine undergrad part time and work as a CA/CCO?

Thank you for your time! Have a good day.