u/Beneficial_Celery_75

Lately sobrang bigat ng lahat ng nangyayari sa buhay ko and I honestly don’t know how to deal with it anymore.

My dad was recently admitted to the hospital due to a heart attack and it happened on Mother’s Day. Under monitoring pa rin siya ngayon. I’m an only child so ako lahat nag-aasikaso—my mom, our house in the province, our apartment, and pati yung 4 dogs namin.

Mas complicated pa yung situation with my dad. He left us without any communication for 16 years and recently lang siya bumalik sa buhay namin. Wala rin siyang naipundar or anything, literally he has nothing right now. May first family rin siya and nalaman lang ng mom ko later on na he was already married pala when he married her. I honestly don’t even know how that happened back then, maybe iba pa yung system or walang proper checking like cenomar before.

He already apologized for everything and we forgave him. Pero I can’t help feeling conflicted. Part of me is angry at my mom for letting him back into our lives especially ngayon na hirap na hirap na kami financially and barely surviving with our expenses. At the same time, I also feel bad for my dad kasi wala talaga siyang kahit ano ngayon and he’s in a very vulnerable situation.

On top of that, I’m struggling financially. I’m working pero sobrang liit ng income ko and I’m barely keeping up with hospital bills, rent, and expenses sa bahay here sa province and in my apt sa Manila.

Emotionally, I also went back to therapy recently kasi I realized I wasn’t okay. But I had to stop taking my meds for now because I can’t afford them.

I also have a boyfriend pero I’ve been feeling really alone in the relationship. Parang ako lagi yung nag-iinitiate even for small things like asking if I’ve eaten or how I am.

Everything just feels too overwhelming right now. I’ve even had thoughts of wanting to disappear just to escape everything for a while. I don’t want to give up, I just feel exhausted and lost.

I don’t really know what I’m expecting from posting this. I just needed to let it out somewhere.