u/Beneficial_Tree7723

As I work my way out of a 12 year relationship, I wake up to a deep, aching sense of loneliness every single morning. This morning, my mind sent me on a thought journey that has resulted in this post.

Rejection and loneliness are the two eternal constants with being gay. We get rejected: by our family, by our straight friends, by our partners, by our dates, by our society (depending on the country and cultural attitudes towards gay people), we get rejected by ourselves.

Half or more posts on this sub are driven by loneliness and an intense need for connection.

Considering the cards we've been dealt with, it behooves us to be grateful, and to appreciate any connection we can find. Gratitude makes us kinder, stronger and wholesome (or at least, I hope so).

And yet, I find that most gay men that I've met are chasing things that do not lead to stronger connections, greater meaning, or a sense of deep acceptance. We judge each other very harshly for our appearance, our preferences, our lifestyles, our cognitive schemas/thinking styles and so on. Some of us even run from connection, from belonging, and from the very things that our hearts seek.

Why do we do this? Shouldn't we all be working towards being kinder towards fellow gay men? At some level, I understand that as humans, we all share the same abilities and vices as straight people too. But, how hard is it to be compassionate towards other gay men?

All those people singing peans on Mothers Day have absolutely no idea how selfish and stubborn some "mothers" can be. These are the same people who become flying monkeys and gaslight us when we so much as try to talk about our problems.

To all those feeling pain and loss today, please keep in mind that we've made it this far. We are survivors and we need recognition too.