…
i think the hardest part is that nothing was necessarily wrong enough for me to leave
you were just there every day until suddenly you weren’t i kept telling myself i felt trapped or unhappy or overwhelmed and maybe i did, but now i can’t tell if it was the relationship or just me. i think i expected myself to feel certain all the time and when i didn’t, i panicked. i started overthinking every interaction, every feeling, every moment of distance. i convinced myself that leaving would make everything quieter in my head but now it’s just quiet in a different way
i miss the normal things the most. sending random things during the day. hearing about your routine. having someone i could return to without thinking about it. you became part of my life so naturally that losing you feels less like heartbreak and more like something missing from my everyday existence
and what hurts is that you weren’t cruel to me. there was no massive betrayal. no dramatic ending. just two people who got emotionally tired and scared of hurting each other more than we already had
sometimes i wonder if i left because i truly wanted to or because i didn’t know how to handle my own mind anymore.
i still think about you all the time and i don’t even know what i’m supposed to do with that