Hey y’all! Since I last posted I figured out I’m a trans woman. 🏳️⚧️ I’ll be staying on the Reddit though as I still appreciate role reversal. I hope you all are doing great. Take care!
Hey there y’all. Hope y’all are doing well. I have been thinking about dating today and what that may look like for me one day. I think I’ve gone into this in previous posts but being disabled and wanting to be more submissive in a relationship, I worry that I would not be physically strong enough to do everything to be a stay at home person. I can’t use an oven due to how high up they usually are and me being in my wheelchair much of the time. Making food may take longer for me because of how taxing it is and using my walker to stand up with one hand on the handle while using the other free hand to stir or put ingredients in or whatever on a stove. I can’t clean high spots due to my height and I can’t stand up without my walker or a grab bar. I struggle with pain and fatigue and tightness. I just worry I won’t measure up to a partner. I can do a lot but not everything an able bodied person would.
Thank y’all for reading
Hey there y’all. I wanted to kind of vent tbh and be vulnerable about some thoughts I’ve had in my head that have been getting me kind of down. RR is a part of this I promise.
As I continue going through life and ponder about my future, I wonder when the day hopefully comes (when I’m able to move out and into my own place for the first time) about self pleasure and getting in touch with my body as a disabled person. I worry that I may not be able to do things like use a dildo or just sex toys in general because I struggle with balance and even if I got my legs stronger and less atrophied than they are now, I don’t think they will be as strong as those of an able bodied person. I worry that in order to experiment with what feels good for my body, I may have to rely on having someone help me. So being in a relationship may be the state I have to be in to learn about my body.
The thought of having to rely on someone else just to learn about myself when an able bodied person doesn’t have to really gets to me. As a disabled person who’s been disabled since birth, I’ve made progress on not comparing myself to able bodied people. But it can be very hard not to sometimes.
Like I had a tote bag arrive the other day from Japan and I put all my favorite pins on it. I’m very proud of it. The character pins on it mean a lot to me. As well as the bag itself. But I can’t wear it on my side due to how I sit in my wheelchair so it’s either having it dragging on the ground from hanging it on my wheelchair’s side or holding it in my lap with one hand and my other on my wheelchair joystick. I don’t want it to get damaged. It’s also rare and OOS now on the site I ordered it from. Not being able to express myself like able bodied people can. That really got to me. But some things are really hard for me not to compare.
Continuing from this first point, even if I were to move out, I don’t live in an area with sex shops or spaces to learn about that sort of stuff nearby.
Dating as a disabled person is hard. Even harder if you’re queer or even non-heteronormative. In a world where it feels like more dominant women are rare and those that are in more kinky spaces. Where dominant women or just progressive women in general, tend to be in cities with higher costs of living. Also a world where disabled people are not viewed as potential partners, or frankly even being viewed as asexual by default(which there is nothing wrong with being disabled and ace) or are fetishized or having partners leave them (Like with the high occurrence of men leaving disabled women, the statistics back this up) it can feel like there’s pressure for disabled people to settle for things a non-disabled person isn’t expected to. Or end up going without.
It can feel like finding a relationship with someone who sees me for me, someone who also views my submissiveness and my disability and my trans-identity not as a fetish or kink, someone who also doesn’t assume everything about my abilities just by looking at me, someone who also views me as an equal. That all can seem nearly impossible. In addition also being in a red state, in the suburbs.
The thought that I can’t even do something like self-pleasure without being with someone just irks me. I want to practice a bit before meeting someone, but I just don’t know if I can.
Thank y’all for reading.
Hey y’all. I know this post may not be super related to role reversal but shoutout to all those who get laser and/or electrolysis on their face, arms, legs, etc. Being AMAB and having to get rid of this hair especially on the face is really painful. It’s not easy. Having to subject yourself to an uncomfortable procedure just to not have facial hair and look more feminine can be very taxing. But we make it to the other side every time. Hope y’all are doing well❤️
Hey there y’all, I’m curious to hear from fellow disabled people interested in rr how their disability may affect their perspectives on the subject.
Hello everyone! I am new to this subreddit and I wanted to put some thoughts of mine down that I’ve had in my mind for awhile.
So some context. I have been disabled since birth and figured out I wasn’t cis in 2025. Still figuring out whether I’m a girl or a trans-fem enby. I’ve found that the concept of role reversal is something appealing to me specifically as someone who definitely relates to a being amab and having traits more associated with femininity. As I’ve grown I realize that I enjoy things like doing dishes, wearing pastel clothing, speaking femininely, wearing feminine perfumes and just being feminine. I fluctuate being seeing myself as an “transfem-enby” to “feminine women.”
However I noticed that within this community I don’t see much on this subreddit with regard to disability and how it can affect and play into a RR Relationship. So much of it is centered on just the able bodied. It’s frustrating. Additionally, I often worry that if I ever do find myself in a relationship with a women that is more masculine or protective that certain expectations can come with that. I do want to work out and be fit but my body gets very tired easily and I use so much energy just to do things like my job. I do want to be skinny and wear dresses and spin spin dress go spin but my disability makes that difficult (guess I could always spin my wheelchair.) I want to wear makeup but it just feels confusing to me and last time I did it myself my makeup became very powdery and I felt super embarrassed and ashamed. It was a day that I had work. With my fine motor issues mascara seems like a nightmare so I’ve yet to try that. So I just do a skincare routine only atm. My facial hair is also extremely dysphoric for me and laser has done a lot but above my lip facial hair is still apparent. I did electrolysis before switching to laser and it hurt so bad even with numbing. A lot more than laser at least for me. Also the effort and energy to make my voice sound more feminine (the goal being I want to sound like as close to a cis women as I can) is very taxing on me. But if I don’t I just feel even more dysphoric. My spasticity and tightness puts me in pain quite often. Existing can sometimes just feel like a chore.
I am also very assertive especially compared to how I used to be. Because of my disability affecting every aspect of my life I have learned that I have to be assertive to get my needs met. I also care very much about not being someone’s fetish and I do worry that because of my attraction to protective but gentle people that I could wind up being in a relationship with a devotee and I do not want that. Also being disabled, I’m curious about different types and possibilities of RR that include disability. Such as a RR where the women is disabled but still very much the protective one and the man is able bodied but is more feminine in traits and vibes and looks. Like RR plus disability is a form of literature and media that I very much want to see but I don’t know if I will in a long time. Disabled romance is already very rare and when it does get made I feel the disabled character’s main focus is just the disability not much else and especially in media like Sign of Affection where I feel like Yuki’s deafness is while, eye opening, still a cute quirk to Itsuomi rather than a part of who she is( granted I’ve only watched the anime so far and have only watched all of what’s out for it once so my perspective may change.) Also I dislike how society can often view disabled people as pure and innocent, yet also lazy yet also “closer to god” whatever that means but also a burden. It’s made me reluctant to date at the very least using dating apps 1 because dating apps suck and 2 because people assume so much about you if you are visibly disabled on your profile.
I have had trauma in my life and sometimes just the taxing nature of my existence makes me want to melt away into nothing. My disability affects my mobility very much so that’s another aspect I have to factor into dating. I don’t want someone to abuse me. Hurt me. Or anything of that nature. That is a fear of mine. I haven’t been in a relationship before but I do fear that happening if I am in one. Being disabled and dating especially if you’re wanting to date someone who is able bodied can be daunting. I am in a not so progressive area in the USA so dating for me would already be difficult which means an abusive person could use the low amount people out there just in general (not zero but lower) that would date a disabled person as a form of power over me. Thankful I’ve done my research and know what to look out for.
Also I hope this goes without saying but being in a RR relationship should mean that both partners are equals. One is not lesser and their needs are not less important because of the “role” they play.
Also, I think being trans or nonbinary is something I notice is lacking in RR representation. Personally I think it’d be fun for a enby to be called “good boy” and “good girl” interchangeably and seeing the reaction be the same (blush, tomato head, etc) but with those terms being said in a non sexual way. Also for me a potential partner using “good girl” or “good boy” as something kinky or sexual is a red flag for me. Especially if I’m getting vibes it’s at least partially due to me being at a physical disadvantage/weaker. I see those terms as not being inherently sexual and at least from my point of view, I feel like the way those terms are used is over-sexualized rather than simply affectionate and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Also I think the level of trust in an inter-abled relationship is something that disabled RR could really highlight and something I want to see. From the disabled person’s perspective they are placing a huge amount of trust into a person that may (though not always) be much stronger or quicker than them. If a disabled MC is on a vacation with the able bodied lover for example, back from the beach, and the bathroom at the hotel or rental isn’t accessible (lack of roll-in shower, no shower chair, a tub the disabled character can’t walk into without holding on to handle bars or someone, the tub being too tall to get legs over independently, lack of handle bars themselves, whatever the lack of accessibility may be) the disabled MC may have to give up their autonomy, ability to move, their privacy, to be cleaned. And hope the lover with them will not abuse that extremely vulnerable position. But I do not want that unique emphasis and perspective on trust that a fully abled couple may not have to become a source of romanization or fetishization (example would be “wow look at how much deeper and purer this relationship is between a disabled person and an abled lover than a typical relationship is”) I remember that a while ago there was a bit of a discussion online about my comfort movie and my favorite romance movie to date: Josee the Tiger and The Fish and how men were romanizing the relationship between the abled person (Tsuneo) and the disabled person (Josee) I didn’t look too deep into it so I may not have a complete grasp on the subject. But the fact that that may be going on makes me a disabled person and someone who relates with Josee a lot, very uncomfortable. That’s not what I want disabled romance (RR or otherwise) to be about.
I feel like the few instances of disabled romance that gets made is made for the Able bodied viewer’s comfort rather than highlighting the struggles and triumphs of disability through a lens that a disabled reader/viewer may relate to more. Honestly I think that maybe a trope or common storyline that could exist for disabled romance could be that the disabled mc faces struggle, but rather than much of it being internal negativity about being disabled and internalized ableism (though it definitely can be a part of the story still) it’s much more the external negativity of navigating a physical and social world that works without them in mind, including rejection, possibly multiple (some reasons more understandable, some more ableist) and the story not being afraid to make ignorant readers step back and rethink things. And then by the end of the mc eventually finds their lover are together or that lover finds the mc first. Both the disabled mc and lover accept one another wholeheartedly flaws and all and are willing to grow from one another. But the ending isn’t sunshine and rainbows. And I also do not want the story to basically say “here’s your reward that you’re now entitled to disabled mc because of all your suffering, no effort required.”
Additionally, the disabled mc still struggles and has hardships and they don’t vanish the moment the relationship with the abled or (or disabled) partner begins. But the mc now faces the world with someone beside them. The trope could be described as a a road full of jagged rocks with a smooth road of honey at the end, but bees are there and while the stingers are not as sharp as the rocks before, they can still hurt (I apologize if this metaphor is not making sense.)
That’s my ramble. I hope you all found my perspective to be interesting at the very least.
Just to be clear I’m not looking for pity.
Sympathizing or emphasizing or acknowledging the difficulties is fine but I do not want pity.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I wish you the best.