u/BiFurious98

I am autistic, I'm shy/socially awkward, switched to homeschooling in middle school because of my social anxiety. I went 10+ years without any friends because of how scared I was of getting bullied or being perceived as the weird girl again, my only real friend was my older brother and then I lost him suddenly as I was turning 20. A few months after my brother died I met my now husband who had many friends, he had just bought a house and moved in one of his close friends to be a roommate. I moved in too, and he brought me into his circle. All of his friends genuinely seemed to love me, it was the best few years of my life. As controversial as this saying is, I really was like one of the boys. One of my best friends was our roommate, who was my brother's age, hanging out with him felt exactly like hanging out with my brother again and it helped me grieve a lot. My husband was so happy for me.

Then, my "best friend"/roommate, started seeing a few girls, telling me about each of them and why he liked them. I helped him settle on one girl who sounded like a great match. I was excited for him, he was excited that I was going to have a girl friend in the group. One day, we're out in a small group and we run into the girl. I excitedly tell her I'm happy to finally meet her, expecting her to know who I am because of how much I know of her. She gave me one look up & down and then scoffed. Roommate leaves to hangout with her. Our friendship continues like normal for the following weeks. Then one day, he texts my husband that he's moved out (without any warning.) We get home, see he's left some stuff behind, I go to message him to tell him and to my surprise I'm blocked, everywhere!

Years go by and he never returns to get his stuff, never unblocks me, hardly speaks to my husband (he's just started coming around to hangout with my husband again after 5 years or so, but acts like I'm not there, won't even look in my direction.) It felt like suddenly losing my brother all over again, without the closure it really hurt my feelings. I still think about it daily. Eventually I got to speak with him one time privately in person, I could tell he was scared to talk with me, but I had to ask what I did wrong. He explained very short and simple that he didn't hate me, he said his girlfriend hates me and doesn't believe him when he tells her he had never had "done anything" with me when living with me but he's tried to get her to understand. Since then, I have heard from several other people that she hates me. She has even told people I slept with him. NEVER have I ever! My husband is the only man I've been with. She hasn't even had a conversation with me.

Then, my other "best friend" who was actually very upset about the roommate situation for me. Maybe a year afterwards, also gets a new girlfriend, who then ALSO makes him remove me and stop talking to me! I quietly put my head down and respected their relationship because I get that you have to respect your partner and I love my friends enough to step back for the sake of them having a happy relationship, but it still hurt my feelings, especially after it already happened with our other friend. Fast forward a few years and they split up, he came back around, he was so apologetic that he did the same thing to me.

It's been 8 years of me & my husband being together now. This has now happened with multiple other guys I've been buddies with in the friend group too. Some have come back around after break ups, and some have been in long term relationships where they've never been allowed to come back around. It always goes as follows: friend tells us they have a new girlfriend and are so excited for their girlfriend to meet me because they'll "love me", we meet her and she immediately sees me and "nopes", either won't even have a conversation with me or is super dismissive and turns to talk to the other guys at the table very quickly, or will even just talk to my husband and not me. I can see it on their faces that they don't like me before even talking to me. Then, after meeting me, they make their boyfriends never associate with me again. Which also makes it hard on my husband because some of the girlfriends take it as far as not allowing the guys to even hangout with my husband one on one just because of the chance that they might see me. I've learned to not get too attached to any friendship, but it's left me feeling like I'm really unlikable and will never have a girl friend. It hurts my feelings to the extreme.

Now on the rare occasion that a big group of us gets together and guys all bring their girlfriends, the girlfriends all sit together away from me and won't even say hi to me and their boyfriends clearly aren't allowed to chat with me, but the girls will happily talk with my husband. All of the girlfriends are in a big girl group and go do things together, I have never been invited or talked to, the girls don't even have me on social media. It's literally like I'm the only odd one out.

How do I navigate this?