I (M17) almost revenge cheated on my gf (f18) but didn't go through with it
This has been weighing on my mind alot in the past few days. Me and my gf of almost 6 months now had a situation where she emotionally cheated on me with a guy friend of hers a lil bit after valentine's day. Nothing sexual happened which kinda hurt more than if she just fucked someone else instead of basically dating another dude while being in a relationship with me. But we moved past it extremely well and healthily. Expect I highly considered revenge cheating. I went on dating apps and almost went through with meeting up with someone but it fell through and never happened. I took that as a sign that I shouldn't be doing this and I need to focus completely on the relationship to make it healthy and happy. Which it now is but I'm eaten alive by this guilt because she doesn't know, Has no opportunity to find out(everything is deleted) and I just feel like this horrible person. Even if I didn't cheat, I still crossed several boundaries and lied/continuing to lie the longer its a secret. I really don't want to tell her. But I know that in time it'll probably come to light by my own accord or not. I just wish I didn't do anything, I wish I stayed within the loyalty I desired and didn't stray away because of fear and the desire to feel wanted. I love my partner and only want her. I had misguided desires because of separate things in our relationship that were causing some turbulence. But now that we're continuing to move in a healthy and happy direction I'm feeling more and more guilty for being what could shatter the whole thing. Idk if im worthy of her love.
Tl;dr gf of 6 months emotionally cheated after 3 months, I stayed and we fixed it, I almost cheated by going on dating apps but eventually deleted everything/didn't go through with it and never told her so I feel guilty.