Can you do MMA/BJJ if you're gay? (UK)
So obviously I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't gay. I know the obvious answer is it doesn't matter, and it shouldn't. I never wanted it to. I just want to train, but both gyms I've experienced made me feel really uncomfortable. I've done BJJ in one gym and MMA in another. A town apart. Both gyms had people (including the coach) taking the piss out of gays a lot of the time. Words like Faggot being thrown around. Things like the coach (albeit humourously) calling people gay/faggot/homo etc because they hadn't been training for a couple of weeks. It seemed like they took any opportunity to make it about somebody POSSIBLY being gay.
An example; a student hadn't trained for a few weeks. When he came back in and was talking to the coach before class, the coach announced to the class "(student name) would just like you all to know he's a homosexual and that's why he hasn't been training recently". Obviously the student in question wasn't gay and took it as a joke, but I didn't. I felt like just getting my shit and going home.
Another example; during stretches, the coach and some of the students were talking about somebody else they have trained with in the past (in Judo). The general opinion was that this guy was "probably gay". A few of the lads said things like "that's why I don't roll with him", "you don't want to let him take your back" as though the only reason a gay guy would be doing martial arts is to touch other lads up or try and bum them.
It felt like some of them would be as uncomfortable training with a gay guy as they would training with a pedo.
For anybody who thinks that's okay, I ask you, would a black guy feel comfortable in a gym full of white guys throwing the N word around? Would they even throw the N word around? Probably not. Would they take the piss out of people with special needs? Probably not.
I don't want to be mollycoddled. I don't mind banter with friends. I don't want a pride flag outside the gym (I've never been to a pride event, not my scene haha I like the quiet life). I just wanna train in a place where I don't have to be made to feel uncomfortable. I put up with it for a while, convinced myself it was just lads being lads. But I realised it was pushing me back into the closet and making me feel really down on training. I was terrified of anybody at the gym finding out. Whenever I got a question about my personal life (like "so have you got a Mrs mate?") I used to get really nervous about where the conversation was going. I want to look for another gym, but I haven't trained for over a year now, because I cannot face being the new guy again just to find out the new place is the same as the others. I don't wanna be that guy who messages gyms asking if I'm gonna be okay training in their gym. Ideally I'd just like to train somewhere where if it comes out it comes out, and really doesn't matter to anybody.