29M - Do You Ever Feel Like You’re Wearing A Mask?
You feel it too, don’t you? You’re likely a functional adult. You go to work/school, you pay your bills, you show up for your family and friends. As you get older, the responsibilities of life pile on, and you’re likely someone who handles them gracefully. But late at night as you go to bed, something itches at the back of your mind. This isn’t your life. You’re playing pretend. This isn’t you. You ignore it, of course. You’re on a course. You’ve got a life to live, but the funny thing about that feeling is, it never really goes away, does it? You push it away, you pretend it never appeared, you tell yourself it’s silly, but it only festers the longer you neglect it.
Hi, I’m Anthony. 29. Live in California. I’m an engineer by day who works for a company you’ve probably heard of. Outside of work, I’m a bit of a fitness nut(pics in profile if you’re into that), I like to cook, hike, and ride motorcycles.
I’ve lived an interesting life. I was born heavily religious. To say that the environment I grew up in was restrictive is an understatement. I learned the rules of the game early, I got the degree, I made friends, I dated, I got a job, all the stuff. But I never really stopped to ask myself if the path I was on was what I was really looking for.
After a rough breakup in my early twenties, I took a step back and started over. New space, new social life, new city. I rejected the identity I was born into, quite violently in fact. I started long distance running, I raised kittens at some point, did some traveling, and picked up a motorcycle. I often feel like I’m doing discovery work that has been very heavily delayed as a good Christian boy. It’s not comfortable, it’s downright depressing at times, but at least I’m not lying to myself anymore.
I’m still looking, and hope to find myself someday. Until then, what’s your story? Why are you still reading this existential rant? What life are you running away from? And most importantly, what’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?