u/BirdEither8125

ive struggled a lot with my memory and keeping track of time so sorry if this is kinda messy or some details aren't completely accurate.

ive had times where I feel like on top of the world like I can do anything I want and no one one can stop me, I tend to talk faster then normal, laugh uncontrollably for no reason, ill feel filled with so much energy to the point I will sometimes slam things or throw things just to get energy out, also ill act a lot more reckless then usual and have horrible decision making. sometimes ill sleep barely any or not at all and ill feel great rather then tired, it doesn't happen though all the time sometimes when I get little or no sleep ill feel tired like I probably normally should. those highs tend to last a few days but I honestly cant recall in the past how long they've lasted, but it normally follows be just feeling normal again or feeling just empty and numb. sometimes ill be extremely irritated sometimes in those highs it'll be mixed with that but sometimes not, small things will make me snap at people and cuss them out that sorta stuff, then ill feel regret for those actions and wonder why I acted that why. ive struggled a lot with memory and time which makes it hard to keep track of when things happened or completely forgetting things sometimes which makes it difficult to trust myself that something I remembered even happened. sometimes ive noticed my taste in things change, like one week ill love mushrooms and they'll taste amazing for an example, then the next week they'll taste like the most disgusting shit ever. sometimes normally when I feel depressed I won't even notice until im not anymore, ive had really dark thoughts, like suicidal thoughts and thoughts of violence towards others when im irritated or mad asf. im thinking I should definitely see a doctor or psychiatrist over this soon because its been happening for over a year already and its been negatively effecting my life and has been slowly getting worse and worse, I used to be able to control what I do now its much harder to like not for an example cuss someone out over a little thing. im currently doing fine so I hope it stays that way for now.

sorry for how badly this is written.