u/Bitter-Tea2629 — reddlx

Is anyone going to Leeds next Jan?

Ok. So I’m going to preface this by saying this is embarrassing… but basically I am desperate to go to the Leeds show on 11th Jan.

I’m 30f and don’t have any friends near me that would be interested in coming, and I’m kind of anxious about going alone. I know realistically I’ll be fine, but anxiety be like that.

I’m cringing so hard as I write this (it’s probably the most uncool thing I’ve ever done)… but, is there anyone out there who is going stag (or in a group) and wouldn’t mind a tag along? I promise I’m normal and non threatening!

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u/Bitter-Tea2629 — 9 days ago

▲ 1.2k r/GirlDinnerDiaries

I left my narcissist boyfriend and bought a house

Last month, I left my partner after he eventually confessed he had developed feelings for another woman (I’m 30, he’s 35 and this woman is 22. The grossest part is that he’s known her since she was around 16…) When we talked about it, he changed his story about what may or may not have already happened between them so many times that I may be entitled to compensation for a whiplash injury that wasn’t my fault.

I also found out he had lied to me about OF use, and was spending over £800 a month on content - which, to quote him ‘he never watched or interacted with, just liked to have’ Like, sure ok mate. At the time, he was in debt, and we were looking to buy a house together using MY lifelong savings as deposit.

My whole world was completely upturned overnight because of his choices. Everything became different, stressful and harder than it should be. My commute is now more than an hour each way, I don’t have our dog, I’m sofa surfing and had to move out of our home (his family owned it), and he just gets to carry on like nothing happened - like I never happened. I was heartbroken and devastated at first, he’d completely betrayed my trust and thrown ‘us’ away. I’d never been in a relationship before, he is well aware of my anxiety around trusting people and my struggles with self worth, to start with I felt safe with him. But he completely used that, and the fact that I didn’t know any better, to betray me in all the ways he knew would hurt me most.

Now, after a little time and distance, I’ve realised how miserable I actually was in our relationship. And also how completely and all consumingly furious I am that he not only treated me this way, but that I allowed him to!!

He spent our entire relationship lying and emotionally manipulating me to the point that I didn’t even know which way was up anymore. He had me so convinced that I wouldn’t be ok without him. That I couldn’t do better and I should be so grateful he’d have me because nobody else would (a favourite ‘joke’ of his)

I’ve realised how much he made me fight for every scrap of attention he gave me. I always had to be the one initiating affection or seeking closeness. He never complimented me, he didn’t celebrate my 30th birthday, he convinced me that I was terrible at everything - cooking, driving etc, you name it. Anything he himself was insecure enough to have a complex over became something I was rubbish at, whilst he was fantastic at it obviously. All these ‘flaws’ became ways to ‘jokingly’ put me down in front of others. He convinced me I was only hired at my current job because they were desperate for someone. I believed it, completely dismissing my own years of experience in a field I love and am genuinely good in, in favour of his cruel manipulation.

There’s more, so much more and I could go on all day probably. From big things, like him deliberately ignoring me when I told him that a certain act during intimacy triggers the memory of an SA I suffered last year - whilst on a night out with him! To little things like the fact that after years together, he honestly couldn’t tell you how I take my cup of tea without written instructions and diagrams.

Through all of this, I thought I was the problem. I didn’t realise how anxious and sad he was making me, or how manipulative his behaviour was until I walked away from him. And it still sucks and hurts like a bitch. But I know I’m going to be just fine on my own.

Anyway. Today I had an offer accepted on a house near to my job and friends using MY deposit. Dinner is celebratory leftovers. Homemade picky bits - Greek salad, pesto pasta salad, and potato salad.

u/Bitter-Tea2629 — 21 days ago

▲ 2 r/relationship_advice

Please can I 30F have advice navigating a potential break up or make up talk with partner 35M?

My 30F partner 35M and I have been together for a few years. We were in the process of buying a house but that unfortunately fell through.

There have been a lot of stresses on our relationship recently and over the last week we have taken a break, and I have temporarily moved in with family for a few days. The main reasons behind this for me were finding out he potentially had feelings for someone else, and an OF use of over £800 a month before it was cancelled earlier this year. I know he also has grievances.

We are due to meet up tomorrow to have a discussion about our future and what we both need to be able to get through this. I love him and we have been through a lot together. I don’t want to just walk away from our relationship and the life we have built together without fighting for it, so please don’t just tell me to just end things.

I have severe anxiety and tend to react emotionally before logically. I have asked for some points from him beforehand so I have time to process them before we meet. I have also been upfront and honest about what I need from him going forwards in order to feel secure in our relationship. So far this has been by message only.

I need advice on how to handle this in person please. How do I handle this when I know I will react emotionally. I think the way this goes will either make or break us and I really want to give us a fighting chance.

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u/Bitter-Tea2629 — 2 months ago

▲ 1 r/relationship_advice

Not sure if I should confront my 30F boyfriend 35M about his OF use.

I (30F) have been with my (35M) boyfriend for 2 years. We’re currently in the process of buying a house together. Sorry, this may be a bit long but just trying to give background.

A few months back, we were out to dinner with another couple and he got his phone out to check an email for them, I looked over and caught a look at an only fans membership email - wasn’t intending to snoop, I just looked over and it was on his screen.

When we got home I asked him about it because I was honestly kind of crushed. For context, our intimacy only seems to be on his terms, and I have to initiate everything. Often it will just be me getting him off, that’s it. We have sex very rarely but used to be at it all the time. He’s always used to pleasure me too before, though never orally, but now I can count on one hand the times he’s touched me since the start of the year.

Knowing he used OF made me feel so rejected and like I was the problem as clearly he was horny and looking to get his rocks off, just apparently not with me. Anyway he promised the email was confirmation of his subscription ending, and that he only signed up ages back before we were together and he was between girlfriends. Which made sense and he seemed so sorry he’d causes me to be hurt, so I let it go.

Fast forwards to today, he’s out all day, I was messing about on my phone - he shared his OneDrive with me ages ago and I was browsing. There is newly downloaded content there from April which is clearly OF material. I feel betrayed, hurt and rejected all over again, but I don’t know if it’s an initial knee jerk reaction. There could be an innocent explanation (if you squint real hard maybe and tilt it on its side?) I don’t know if this is worth causing an argument or if it’s just me being insecure again. He didn’t exactly hide it from me because he downloaded it to a shared drive…I need advice on how to handle this please.

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u/Bitter-Tea2629 — 3 months ago