Hi therapist, I’m looking for human connection
Can you help me?
Or will you sit there and do your method onto me?
Will you get stuck behind what you’ve been taught instead of being with me?
I know there are psychiatric conditions where people need medication and structured methods.
I’m not one of those people. I just never had a real person to be with me and to engage with me in my worries, my feelings. Be that competent someone I never had.
That’s all I’m looking for.
I want you to engage directly with me.
With me.
With ME.
And I want *you* to be real as well. I can’t connect with you if you’re not there for me to connect to.
If I go quiet I don’t want you to “ I’ll sit here and wait”, I want you to ask “what happened, was it something I said?”
Just like you would with a normal person.
I am a normal person, just with an extreme inexperience around having people try to meet me.
I feel like after 30+ failed therapists that I surely must be the common denominator and that if I could just stop being so difficult then maybe I could get some connection.
Yet it’s strange because I’m always open for it? I’m always hoping and eager for it.
But it never comes.
Well. Here and there with random nurses and bus drivers yes, but not from the people trained to help me.
I’m right here. Why am I invisible?
It makes me feel crazy.
•••
(I do try to share what I need with therapists but it feels really vulnerable and I don’t trust that they’d want to relate that way. On and off they can really be unprofessional and hurtful too so I’m weary of that as well)