u/BlacksmithFit8791

Last year, after livinig alone for 4 years on my own after divorce, I met a muslima on a chat app and we got along very well. FWD - she became my softdomme and we did things online that I regretted alot (since not halal). I made tawbah and we cut ties, now after a year of holding back I am crumbling under my desires. I don't have any halal outlet and no possibility at this point to marry, it's already hard enough to find a certain type of woman. Imagine yourself the muslim part. BUt I am constantly due to my job in contact with women/lots of poeple and ofc some tempt you. These are sleeper needs that passively wander around my mind all day, not something I cannot just shut it off. How does one regulate it? How do I open up to the women I want to marry? Is there still a chance?

I even reached out to people in another community who were clinically diagnosed with HS to check myself..I am so tired of my own bs... But every single day I start back from square 1 and have to hold on to the rope with my bare teeth..
I hate being an this easy target of my lower nafs, I hate having my capacity this much restricted to an animalistic level, I hate that my environment triggers me (welcome to fricking europe where public nakedness is celebrated) wihtout a chance of having a casual day, I hate shutting myself in although I usually love being social. I lost 6kg/13lb in the last 2 months because I can't even get myself to eat normal meals since I am always burned out from the loneliness and distractions.
I'd love to pick sports and activites back up again but I know it will bring another challenge if so..I am so tired and seeing myself tired in the mirror all the time is just a final dagger...

I would usually never talk like this or confess things like this. Last time I talked to a scholar which is good friend of mine he said "Do you miss the rahma of a women?" and these words echo in me ever since. It's not lust or shahwa..it's rahma.

I am tired of withholding against the fitna in Germany, the open zina invitations, tired of all media pushing things into my mind and soul. I am not even addicted to content; it's just not having a shore to emotionally rest on. I am just healthy in a good age and have no option to marry again with these circumstances I am in now. I don't possess much wealth but have my deen, my ilm circles and hamdulillah a willing mind to gather new knowledge daily. But in Europa/the West no parent I met so far gives a damn about these as long as you don't have a car/a dipl. job and make enough money to please them. I had other stuff to focus on first. Not everyone dreams of getting to 10, some are happy to reach back 0 because they started in negative numbers.

It's such a burden not to have a clear mind, always drift off when even talking normally...It's ashaming as a man.
Maybe one of you has more beautiful words than I do when I make dua, or a sincere heart. I would appreciate any duas for this brother in need. Ameen.

Woke up half an hour ago highly triggered, made it out of bed but I am still not fully clear minded. Do you have any morning routines that worked for you? How do you as a man get past the massive urges in the morning? During the day it's managable mostly easily but when I fail it happens in the morning. Helping advices, insights and a cup of hot coffee are more than welcomed (:

What I realized is that usually there were full movies about this right? With an actual plot/setting/costumes etc where you could watch along for an hour?
Now, as if watching that isn't enough, what we consume are shorts/reels and cutscenes flashing by - exactly algorithmed after what triggers us the most.

I am realizing how tired my brain is and how my pupils are tired, only 5 mins in these shorts are enough to fry your brain..It's literally like it's sucking my soul out..

And as scholars say - if you're failing and feeling depressed afterwards it's because you depended too much on yourself and thought you had the power

I was on day 6..thought this is the run but I failed miserably. Now I'm on day 2 and I want nothing but my brain finally to shut off.. One one side being healthy is a blessing, on the other side it's nothing but tortute. I need to marry again def and I do everything in my duty what needs to be done but with this amount of lust (considering evtl being hs), what women would consider a man as a potential... Not even addicted to m but the amount of need is what throws me off the road. I mean no harm but I harm myself with this habit...As if this isn't already enough on top summer is coming in Europe...

7am, awake before my alarm rang and at my desktop wihtout having coffee yet... The energy boost is wild and I could climb up trees lol There is still uneasiness and a unsettling feeling throughout my body

I don't know if minor uncontrolled slips do count as failed but I managed not to drown this time without doing any major mistakes. I couldn't resist not to touch completely but I got through the day. The downside? - Who needs "the little blue pill" when you're on a no f streak, right?

I am now on day 5, haven't gotten this far after my divorce I think. I also didn't crave corn as much as I do crave m in general.
It's exhausting to witness the impact it has on oneself. I feel constant uneasiness, my abdomen is heavily tensed up and cramps from time to time, my mind is the foggiest since I started, it feels like I must've been chugging down a bottle of coffee every hour so..I crave rahma..

Today I reached day 5 and this is the longest I have come without induldging myself in corn/reels. its absolute horror tbh, there is so much tension built up that it drives me mad from within. I can't think straight and my abdomen is tensed up. All I want to do is give in and relax my mind.... I beg your dua...Need to reach at least day 7 for good

I am M32 turkish/german, appereance wise I look like a man who has is life together, self confident and knows what he wants etc. But I have tendencies to be sub, which I am not ashamed of. Everyone has their diff views. This led to differences in my last marriage for 2 years where my ex expected me to be different but how could I tell her about this side of me? Due to the lack of communication and some other reasons it fell apart.

I know I need a spouse with a clear mind and knowing what she wants and not being afraid to take matters into her own hands. Ofc I only have halal conversations in the first phase but I know since this has an impact on the marriage, I have to break the ice sooner or later. I could never tho, thats not me. So as serious and well thought you can be, please give me proper advices. Appreciate it alot and thanks in fwd. Ma'assalam

I was able to get out of home early in the morning throughout the week and dodge some hardship but today is my day off and I am getting hit like a truck by every kind of wave.. It's loud in my head since I woke up..I know what my needs are to shut off and to finally relax but I can't.. How do I get rest? Do I kick myself again out on my free day...I'm tired boss.

Do you sometimes think to yourself - when I will be able to breath again? while you realize you're drowning. Where a certain point is crossed beyond coping dopamine and stimuli and there is nothing but suffocating emptiness? when not even your receptors respond

Coffee, a cigg and 8 hours of work in front of me. Kicking myself out again before I make mistakes - day 3 of trying to escape my foggy mind and urges. I kindly ask you for your duas, today is not an easy one.

Follow up to the morning shift post - I'm done with work hamdulillah and the cycle continues after entering my home. I am really exhausted in my mind for today and tbh really tired because of resisting. I appreciate every kind soul who just wants to pass time and get distracted, as long as your topics are sfw you're welcome whoever you are

I woke up, ofc triggered as usual, drank my coffee and getting ready for work - kicking myself literally out asap before any accident happens. This daily fight against oneself and these urgent measures are really taking a toll my on mental health.
I will have a long day of physical work but still be better off than resting at home, because the actual war will begin again after work when the solitude catches up and the silence becomes loud, no matter how much I exhaust my body with work...I could need some prayers..may Allah ease it for all of us

Full day of exhausting physical work, being nice with everyone, thinking about Deen/Hereafter/Purpose, doing sadaqa where I can - daily routine etc etc, all good outside and a (partially) clear mind; an acceptable muslim.
I've arrived 15mins ago at home (living omo), tired af...but the noises get louder, mind is drifting off and I just want to relax. Need to brake this cycle..Eventhough I exhaust my body to its limit? Either I do have fitter body than I think or I'm really heavily addicted...

I miss hearing the adhan, I miss people having moral values especially speaking for myself, I hate looking at these unhappy greedy faces, I hate living up to the high cultural standarts and being forced in to the hamsterwheel, I hate the summer here in Europe and being forced to see overly se*ualized stuff on every corner, I hate living alone and the endless silence and fighting my demons. I hate this soulles materialistic environment. There is no more local helping community, everyone struggles with their own stuff trying to finish the race of dunya... I yearn for the peace when I look at graves. I don't want to anymore but forcing myself daily through this cycle on spiritual survival mode...

I miss hearing the adhan, I miss people having moral values especially speaking for myself, I hate looking at these unhappy greedy faces, I hate living up to the high cultural standarts and being forced in to the hamsterwheel, I hate the summer here in Europe and being forced to see overly se*ualized stuff on every corner, I hate living alone and the endless silence and fighting my demons. I hate this soulles materialistic environment. There is no more local helping community, everyone struggles with their own stuff trying to finish the race of dunya... I yearn for the peace when I look at graves. I don't want to anymore but forcing myself daily through this cycle...

As the title says..I want to get out of this tiring cycle but its the only emotion in a silent lonely home.
To merry again? After 30+ finding someone who is compatible and has also the same high drive and a little bit of self esteem in her own sexuality is a bit difficult.

I'm just tired..

It's incredible how some men reach out to one on here only to spam p*rn gifs/cutscenes/pictures !after! giving the salaam!

Being addicted is one thing, it's being influenced by the devil La'nat Allah 'alayh; may Allah grant us all freedom from the whisperings inshaAllah.

But!

Being the one who wants to deceive others or even worse is successful to tempt one back from returning victorious back to Allah is the devil himself!

I am a fully grown men, I was married once. I know about my manhood. I had enough with childish plays way back earlier.
I want to enjoy life back as a man and not a boy, therefore I want to quit this. If you decide to stay a boy, so be it. You - Your oozing eyes fixed on a pixelated glass screen and playing with your willie - instead of beginning the adventure of life as a living partnership with your wife or even carry inshaAllah your own children in your arms one day. It's on your own count what you make out of it. If you end up a man with a loving and beloved spouse or if you enter marriage as a boy and stay a boy.

But!

Don't follow this path of filth so deep that you end up playing an advocat of the devil himself. Even if you sin and sin and sin and sin and sin again, just keep in your mind "I have to turn back to Allah, it is the only option" - keep it at a place which is untouched, above and infront of everything. Then keep sinning, because it's part of being a noqsan created being - perfection belongs to Allah - so we turn once more back to him. That's sinning and biiznillah it will be forgiven or outnumbered by our sadaqas -

But!
If you play the advocat of the devil you walk a very very very thin line towards the wraith of Allah. Be careful and don't ever say I was not warned before.

Ma'assalam