u/BlairWildblood

I have a blur of mental health stuff that includes bpd-like symptoms and mirroring I have since found out is a big issue for me. Problem is that I really enjoy my current interests. I feel like I combine and build on my interests even if inspired and collected experiences with/around people over time (intense because autism and adhd too) but externally I could see someone viewing it as copycat. I’m now worried I need to abandon them even though no one has complained. New friend after moving to a new town has influenced me a lot. They are an artist and now anything art and craft related is stressing me out that they might think I’m copying them... I’m at a loss.

Getting into something that does involve physical elements that are fatiguing is important too as I have chronic fatigue and injuries. I don’t work due to illness and flow states keep me from experiencing massive flashbacks. Spoke about it with someone and she expressed that we are all Frankensteins of the things we’ve been exposed to. How do you know whats acceptable there though? Do I need to find some hobby untainted by relation to anyone I know? Seems impossible to me to force myself to be interested in things I’m not or drop things I like on principle…

Thoughts?

Hi everyone,

35F - I’m a survivor of extreme abuse of every kind - family and intimate relationships and friendships. Two and a half years ago I moved cities and restablished my life - or rather are trying. One of the most healing things has been a feeling of extreme safety that has been built over that time with my (now) male best friend. He is extremely empathetic, has a partner, has been radically safe. He has no training in trauma-informed yoga but I would consider him trauma informed in a general sense.

Twist - recently he has reenacted social trauma of epic proportions several times all stacked in a row over the last two months. I’ve been in shock. It’s been accidents, inattention and fumbling around on his part.

He is a fresh ashtanga instructor. I’ve only done hatha and yin - I did hatha ytt years ago but accrued hyper mobility injuries incl two ribs shearing over my clavicle subluxed for 6 weeks before mechanically moved into place by specialist physio. Last week he was guiding me into viparita karani from an ashtanga perspective to see how it felt for me in terms of helping my health as I have serious injuries and mental health stuff after my previous environment and I am hypermobile - much hip subluxations and impingement. Problem is he did unexpected adjustments from behind - moved my arms back and around to have proper alignment and the same with my knees and toes rotating them slightly. I went into shock as these were not expected, he didn’t ask or even prime me for it happening - arguably he could have inferred consent from context though at a stretch.

Him without giving notice opening my heart centres (extreme emotional pain held there and lymphatic build up) and also my hips because slight turning of my knees and feet activated the groin area too….was an extreme moment of unsafe somatic re-experiencing. I have also been touch starved for over 5 years and have extreme somatic dissociation from chronic pain and injuries along with abuse trauma and hypermobility EDS related injuries. My hips and pelvis are my most hypermobile areas and I have pelvic dissociation issues. I am working with my occupational therapist around sensory integration, but that is a long process of building safety in touch by starting with my fingers and toes - she was very alarmed it happened from the perspective of my establishing safety and bodily autonomy. Having that type of touch and it not being expected - by my safest person - has rocked me extraordinarily. I had an intense trauma response (freeze and dissociation then fawn during the week that followed).

It was innocent but stupid on his part. I want to feel safe with him again and I’m crushed. He and his daughters are like my family now and I’ve never had a nice safe family before. Is it possible to feel somatically safe around him again? At present the only idea I have is no contact for 2-3 months to regulate then try co-presence again. I really miss his daughters though and will be so sad to not see them consistently as I’ve been not able to for a couple of months while this has been happening already.

How do I feel safe somatically or otherwise around him again? Is it possible?

Thoughts and suggestions?

hi everyone,

35F - I’m a survivor of extreme abuse of every kind - family and intimate relationships and friendships. Two and a half years ago I moved cities and restablished my life - or rather are trying. One of the most healing things has been a feeling of extreme safety that has been built over that time with my (now) male best friend. He is extremely empathetic, has a partner, has been radically safe.

Twist - recently he has reenacted social trauma of epic proportions several times all stacked in a row over the last two months. I’ve been in shock. It’s been accidents, inattention and fumbling around on his part.

He is an ashtanga yoga instructor (I’ve only done hatha and yin - I did hatha ytt years ago) and last week he was guiding me into viparita karani from an ashtanga perspective to see how it felt for me in terms of helping my health as I have serious injuries and mental health stuff after my previous environment and I am hypermobile - have had subluxations before and significant yoga injuries. Problem is he did adjustments - moved my arms back and around to have proper alignment and the same with my knees and toes rotating them slightly. I went into shock as these were not expected, he didn’t ask or even prime me for it happening - arguably he could have inferred consent from context though at a stretch.

Him without giving notice opening my heart centres (extreme emotional pain held there and lymphatic build up) and also my hips because slight turning of my knees and feet activated the groin area too….was an extreme moment of unsafe somatic re-experiencing. I have also been touch starved for over 5 years and have extreme somatic dissociation from chronic pain and injuries along with abuse trauma and hypermobility EDS related injuries. My hips and pelvis are my most hyper mobile areas and I have pelvic dissociation issues. I am working with my occupational therapist around sensory integration, but that is a long process of building safety in touch by starting with my fingers and toes - she was very alarmed it happened from the perspective of my establishing safety and bodily autonomy. Having that type of touch and it not being expected - by my safest person - has rocked me extraordinarily. I had an intense trauma response (freeze and dissociation then fawn during the week that followed).

It was innocent but stupid on his part. I want to feel safe with him again and I’m crushed. He and his daughters are like my family now and I’ve never had a nice safe family before. Is it possible to feel somatically safe around him again? At present the only idea I have is no contact for 2-3 months to regulate then try co-presence again. I really miss his daughters though and will be so sad to not see them consistently as I’ve been not able to for a couple of months while this has been happening already.

How do I feel safe somatically or otherwise around him again? Is it possible?

Thoughts and suggestions?

update on context: I have professional therapists supporting me but am seeking a yoga perspective specifically as I assume this happens as a general thing

edit: I am disturbed and saddened by people from this sub downvoting this post..it’s a bit heartbreaking really for trust in the yoga community. there is no hate in my post for yoga or teachers. I don’t get it.