u/Blessedest

I had a really ugly breakup a decade ago and my ex made up a bunch of disgusting horrible stuff about me and got me basically cancelled in my small town. She even got a couple friends to lie too. They mixed awful lies with embarrassing true stuff and I got PTSD from this. I wrote an album and I want to start promoting it but I feel like I have to hide my identity because this is unresolved and I have a hard time not imagining my ex to be bitter and ready to destroy me if she sees me start to thrive.. Like, she would have to like, realize she was wrong and I didn't deserve what she did to me.. and then feel guilty... and then make psychological and spiritual progress... seems super unrealistic to me!

I know the law is true, but this is a serious mental block for me. this is something I've had hanging over my head for a decade. All of the suffering helped me write an album and I want to have like a triumphant moment now but it's hard to not like, draw tarot cards to try to figure out how I should approach this and then let it fill me with doubt..

Has anybody dealt with anything even mildly similar that they could share to inspire me? I don't really understand how I would even begin to like, revise the past or something. I feel like I need to experience concrete events that make me feel like this is resolved before I start spending all of my saving trying to promote this album I dedicated my life to.

EDIT: I don't need help seeing myself as a successful musician because I already do. I'm just still worried about my ex coming out and trying to ruin my life once I'm successful. That's what I need help with.

I just wanted to hook up with a girl I know. I had her obsessed with me. I already could have hooked up with her but something inside me wouldn't let me, because she was coming on a little too strong and I felt like it was a bad idea. Anyways, a few weeks go by and things start to pick up again and go a little more smoothly and then I see her last Sunday and it seems to me during this encounter that she cares about me more than anybody else in the world. I had one entire day of feeling very good about it and realizing I had feelings for her now and then suddenly the very next day it was completely ruined for me and I am now heartbroken and don't want it anymore. I was happy for one day. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I don't know why I created this situation. I'm not trying to fix it. I don't want to. She was probably just playing games with me because she wanted validation from me. And I feel really stupid.

Based on my own life experiences and everything I've ever seen on here or in other people's lives it seems like it's impossible to manifest somebody if you actually give a shit about them. I realize now I need somebody to give a fuck about me because I don't have anybody that does and I've just been trying to numb myself to deal with it. Now it's like, I don't know how I can even attract a person to care about me if I'm not numb to it. Anytime somebody here posts about manifesting a person it's like they get them once they don't give a fuck about them at all and the relationship doesn't last. I don't even understand the feeling of a state where I can attract another person that doesn't make me feel evil and hollow. I understand I have a bunch of garbage inside of me but I struggle to conceive of a better way to be than I am now or of a way to get there. The only thing I know is I have a lot of pain inside me I have to let go of and I've been doing that all week but it feels bottomless.

EDIT:

ME: help me believe in love so I stop manifesting situations that hurt me
REDDITORS: how about we fail to do that and reaffirm your preconceptions that you already said you hate instead