u/BloodyLegend_21

When I was 12yr as a child, I used to be scared of the dark so much that in many nights I asked my mother to come sleep with me in my room until I fell asleep.

She only had to come nap with me for 30-60mins till I finally fell asleep, however my father absolutely hated me for this. He was jealous and angry that his wife isn't in bed sleeping with him.

During that time period he was especially aggressive towards me a 12yr child, he would frequently find excuses to physically hit me and insult me. I still remember during that time he told me 'She's not my wife anymore, she is yours' in an aggressive and threatening tone. During that period whatever smallest mistakes I made at home he would use it as a justification to punish me for it such as misplacing the shoes, not doing my homework and etc. I remembered vividly where my mother had an argument with my father because of how he was mistreating me and she wouldn't want to go out to dinner with him because of it. I was standing in the doorway watching the argument when he suddenly saw me, watching them, then he came running towards me, when he reached me right before I can close the door he started hitting me, slapping and punching, my mother then came in-between us body blocking him to protect me. He blamed me for his wife not wanting to go to dinner with him and wanted to punish me for it

He also punished my mother. Every night after I fell asleep he would verbally assault her when she came back to his bed. Saying how I'm taking his wife, unfair it was for him and etc.

It hurts so much to remember this memory, now that I'm grown up and moved out I feel like I have to talk about what happened in the past. To remember what he did to me so that I can never forgive him because of forgetting the past.

2 weeks ago, me and my father got into a big argument. It was a culmination of things that happened within the past month. His selfishness and stubbornness to reflect and change his behavior, his ignorance of other people feelings and reactions. His fragile ego whenever someone say's no. His gaslighting and manipulation to deflect blame on others instead of reflecting and improve.

The final straw was when he abruptly wanted to use my car to go have a family lunch at the mall by informing me at the very last minute before we head off. I wasn't really angry that he wanted to use my car, it was the fact he gave me only one minute notice, he has done this many times in the past. Abruptly changing plans and ignoring other people's to suit his own needs.

I was obviously angry when I drove my parents to the mall. I didn't feel like participating in whatever he has planned for the day but I still persisted anyways. I didn't talk during lunch and we argued as we walked to the cinemas. The mood was ruined for everyone there, my sister and her bf, mother and narc father.

When we returned home, in the evening he was pissed that I ruined the mood for everyone when he was the one who caused me to be like this. He reacts to aggression and resistance by being more aggressive, he has to win in everything and can never handle any negativity directed at him without lashing out like a manchild.

He threatened that if he were to pickup a knife, he will use it to kill me. My mother obviously distressed and freaked out in this situation said maybe she should call the police. He taunted and dared me and her to call the police, because he knew many times in the past I never actually called, except this time I did.

When the police came, I told them about my abusive upbringing, what my father threatened. Why I called. They came took statements from everyone and gave me a referral to DV hotline. There were no charges. After they left, I had this feeling I couldn't live with my father any longer. I've endured too much trauma and tolerated him for too long. My mother could see the hurt and pain in me

The day after the police came, me and my mother started searching places for me to move into, shared accommodation as it's affordable. We managed to find a place with reasonable rent and 2 nice roommates. And within 2 days we found a good place to move into, close to my parent's home so I can frequently visit my mother, decent rent prices, close to my job and friendly roomates

It was set in stone that I was finally moving out at the end of the week, and as the moving day approaches, he created drama by inserting himself into conversations about our plans on packing and moving, lashed out when I called him his English name instead of the title he didn't deserve. He wanted me out of the house after I called the police on him but didn't even lift a finger or make plans on getting me moving out, it was all my mother

As of writing this, it is my fourth night living in a different place and with new people that is not my family. I feel like I'm slowly regaining my mental capacity and interest in my hobbies as my energy isn't directed on stepping on landmines that will trigger an explosion from my narc father.

Asian parents they are victims of abuse as well but instead of becoming better people and understanding they instead made the conscious decision to follow the same route, same parenting their parents did to them onto us.

Recently my father said he thought I can handle the abuse, because he handled it when he was a child so that somehow means I can handle it too?.

I could never forgive my father knowing that he made a conscious decision to not change, to commit the same trauma inflicted on him onto me.

I explained and asked chatgbt why I feel like this, and it says because it challenges my personal perspective of my S/O and that it may change my feelings towards her. But I will still try anyways because I want to learn more about her