u/Blotskigrind

I’m not sure if I’m doing all things to heal, escape or move on.

Either way it feels like it’s all being wrapped up in a nice bow for me. Last trip around seeing friends and family hidden as holidays.

Hitting a new bottom and existing in a reality and world my head, heart and soul can’t make sense or understand what’s happened let alone trust my own memories and what I thought was going on.

The intensity has consumed me, if I wasn’t already here before i definitely am I.

I have no desires, goals or dreams anymore. I just don’t want to go through this. I believed, I invested and kept trying and it made it all worst

I can’t even fake it anymore. Something inside me has died and broke….. I’m unable or unwilling too, I guess both is true

Can you please wake up? Can you please just look at me once more? Like you used to before the world took as both away.

God, it’s been difficult and hard to handle all this on my own and believed in it all and I still do….

What’s wrong with me?

Just talk to me before the part of me that is barely hanging on disappears.

You’re not this cruel, this isn’t who I knew. Please let the part I know still exists talk to me and say goodbye and tell me I wasn’t imagining it all, did it and I mean absolutely nothing? Was I alone in laughter and love?

Nothing makes sense, please look at me and talk!

I just need to know what story or what experience was true because I can’t make sense of it! Fair or not, friend or foe. Is the time shared not worth a conversation? A simple answer?

I don’t believe this and I cannot accept it.