Because that's where their emotional development is stuck at.
A 3 year old, but with the power, influence, vocabulary, privilege, and anatomy of an adult.
They are just as selfish, self centered, and incapable of a 2-way relationship as a 3 year old.
My expwBPD would poke and prod at my psyche from every angle she could think of. I realize now what she was doing. She was brute forcing her way into finding out where my most sensitive feelings are.
Later, when she wanted to hurt me, she wouldn't hesitate to use that information. It worked.
What kind of brain even considers something that fucked up? Fucking disgusting.
You fell for an act. A scam. You were tricked by a toddler... who abused you.
Why in the fuck would you want anything to do with that, ever again?
Wake the fuck up.
Do you feel incredibly grateful to your pwBPD when they do something nice for you? Or are simply kind? Even though the relationship is highly toxic and harmful otherwise?
This is the cornerstone of an abusive relationship. Shit is mostly awful, but they give you relief here and there, and it feels as though you should be so grateful for that.
This should make you angry.
And you naively bought into their bullshit.
Yes that's painful. Yes that's embarrassing. But now you know how to spot a scam. That's useful. Learn from the experience.
You don't start hoping that this "prince" will turn their life around and make good on their promises. You don't hope this prince will reach out and attempt to scam you like last time.
No matter how good that Nigerian prince made you feel... fuck that guy.
It makes you trust them. You think, hey, this person obviously has nothing to hide. And they seem so comfortable with themselves and their past fuck ups.
Plus it draws you closer to them. You feel as though they trust you and can open up to you. It feels special because normally people are quite guarded and it takes time to go that deep with someone.
But all of this... this... opening act... you're being set up. Tested. Manipulated.
Later on they'll use this trust in their honesty to sell all their lies. They'll use this supposed closeness and vulnerability to get information out of you. To make you share things you're not comfortable sharing. And to hold those things that you're particularly sensitive about against you during arguments. To make you give up your own life for them.
And then they'll leave anyway because who would want to be with such a shell of a person?
I don't know how much of this is planned out. I tend to think it's not. But this is how it goes down regardless.
What happens when you lack a sense of self, and enmesh yourself with someone you obsess over (favorite person)?
You get someone who becomes completely reliant on their partner - for everything. They start seeing you and them as a single entity. You become their identity. They can't ever be without you or let you live your own life, because that'd be equivalent to cutting themselves in half.
You. Them. Same person in their mind.
They can't face themselves. But they can criticize you.
You become their reflection. And all the self hatred they have for themselves... well now they have an outlet for it. You.
You. Them. Same.
So when they treat you like shit, it's their way of dealing with their own behavior.
This is the cause of all the projection.
Every accusation is a confession, and a self criticism.
Them. You. One person.