does he even want me in his future?
My boyfriend (M, early 20s) and I (F, early 20s) have been together around 8 months. He has a very set life plan — career, location, all mapped out. I'm more open-ended about my future and don't have one clear path yet. We are doing long distance next year as he's graduating and moving home.
We recently had our first big conversation about the future, we werent meant to but it kind of got there. I ended up getting emotional because it touched on something I'd been carrying for a while: not knowing where I fit into his future, feeling like I'd be joining his plan rather than us building something together.
He responded very logically. Said life is uncertain, people say they have plans but they can change and that we should take it stage by stage as we are doing long distance and thats hard in itself. he said this once but it wasnt very convincing: that once I figure out what I want we'll mesh ideas and figure it out together. He didn't say anything concrete about wanting me in his future unless I directly asked. He did eventually say 'I want this to work' when i said to him 'i need you to tell me u want this to work' and he said 'what we have is very special' but only when I pushed for it. It didnt come naturally. When we went to bed he did say that i love you and we are going to be okay.
I told him at this stage i just hope his plan is flexible and that there’s room for compromise he didn’t say anything. I said I want to build something together and never want to shrink myself in a relationship. He said he wants that for me too. But why isn’t he upset that I may not be in his future.
Normally he's so warm, consistent and future-oriented without even trying, ive been invited to his grad w his family weve both met eachothers parents. Day to day he never makes me doubt his love. So this conversation felt really out of character and left me unsettled.
I dont know what to think and how to bring this up. The convo left me feeling more confused about where I stand and what he’s thinking than before??? I do think that the fact we r doing long distance makes it seem like he does want this to work bc long distance is hard but the convo just left me feeling so unsure