u/BobertoDijorno

I don't really have anyone to come out to irl yet, at least not that I'm comfortable with. So I'll put it here.

I've been doing some learning about myself, and about aro/Ace. I used to think of the two as very harshly defined, until I started getting involved in some of these groups. I realized it's a lot more of a spectrum than I had realized. Originally I was ace-flux, then realized I was aegosexual. I'm an indifferent Ace. I don't mind some things, but I ultimately realized that the idea of actual sex, and putting myself in those situations was just kinda boring and maybe even a little uncomfortable.

I've had issues with most of my dating relationships. I more or less get "bored" after two to three months. I've since realized that it's because I was very, VERY connection starved. It wasn't romantic, it was just desiring someone who was invested in me. I never had a strong desire to be married, dating sounded arduous and awkward, and grand romantic gestures just made me cringe. I thought I was just "low maintenance" until I realized... I don't even know what romantic love feels like. I love my friends and family, but I've realized that any partner I had I felt the same towards. I loved them with the same intensity of a friend, just occasionally giving them kisses. Those too, I quickly got tired of, and even a bit frustrated because I felt as though I "was supposed to do it." I don't find romance repulsive either. Just not for me. It can be cute when I see other people who clearly love one another. But I don't ever want to be that person. So for now, I think Aegoromantic fits me, as a microterm lol.

The best way I can describe the way I feel after realizing this is mourning. Mourning the life I had ingrained in myself that I was "supposed to have" now that I realize it isn't actually what I want. So much of my life was built around an end goal I didn't even desire. I feel a sense of loss. I know it's not permanent, and I'm looking for what I really want now. For things that fulfill me in ways romance never could. For now I'm sad, but I know this won't last forever. I'm moving toward self acceptance, and self love.

Thanks anyone who reads this :3

Hi all. I have a question. (Maybe composed of multiple related questions.)

I've recently been getting treatment for ADHD, and since then I've been noticing some things. Here is the list so far.

1. When on my meds, I feel less facially expressive. It's not that I'm not feeling anything, but it's kind of like my face doesn't automatically do larger expressions that I'm used to.

2. I feel as though I struggle with my tone. Like my words are a lot flatter, and sound rude when I hear them, but I don't intend to whatsoever.

3. I don't really like making eye contact. I'll look over someone's shoulder, next to their head, or maybe have my body facing them while my head is a bit turned away.

4. I have a problem with noise. Loud noise can be an issue, but I can tolerate it. What I've found stresses me out a lot is when it is loud and people are all talking over one another. This causes them to get louder, and still be unintelligible. (For clarification, things like heavy metal or loud music doesn't do this. In fact it can calm me down if I know/like the song)

5. I've had two instances of overwhelm. They both were caused by the above mentioned noise. I didn't realize how stressed I'd become. I had to separate myself from the situations, almost like an "I have to leave now." Feeling. I went to a quiet spot, and was making a noise next to my ears as "white noise," additionally trying to do some breathing to calm myself. A friend came to speak to me. (He was being quiet in comparison to some others which was very helpful) When I tried to reply, I realized I was unable to/greatly struggling to speak. The best way I can describe it is when you need to cry. Only there is no sinus pressure, no tears, just that pressure you get in your throat that chokes you up. I wanted to talk. But it was like trying to talk while having that describes choked up feeling. It took me a while to relax, but once I wasn't stressed anymore it just.... Went away.

6. I've realized that daylight which normally wouldn't bother me, now seems too bright. I have no idea if this is related at all. (I also have a history of vision problems so this could be entirely unrelated.)

This covers most of my bases I belive, but if you'd like to ask further questions please do. I will clarify that all of these are only noticeable to myself when I am medicated. When unmedicated, I don't feel this way. But of course, it means I have less focus, don't eat properly, have exectuve function and memory issues, on top of RSD intensified depression.

My question(s) with all this, are: Is this normal? Could this be a side effect of my medication? Does this sound like aspergers/autism? If so, what would help with managing this response or these new effects? I don't want it to impede activities I enjoy. And of course, is this something worth getting screened for? I'd rather not spend money on a needless appointment.

I will be very clear that I have never been screened for autism or anything related to it, and hence have no diagnosis. I don't like self diagnosing, as I am not a doctor and it would feel dishonest to do so.

I will also state that I have no intention of stopping medication. It has been an over all positive. The listed things are not complaints per se, and only the noise/speaking issues concern me. A few of my friends have stated that they think I may be on the spectrum, but I don't want to claim so without an actual diagnosis. As mentioned, I don't want to seek a diagnosis if it's unneeded, or if I am over thinking these things.

I appreciate anyone who reads or responds to this.