u/BoiboiGenZ

Nimekua nikifanya some self-reflection lately and I realized something that I honestly don’t know what to make of.
I don’t think I’ve ever actually loved any of the women I’ve dated.
Looking back, I think most of it was infatuation.
I’m usually attracted to ambitious women, women who have their shit together, or women who other people see as “high level” and difficult to get.
One girl I dated even told me that men would see her posting vacations on Instagram and automatically assume she was out of their league and they couldn’t access her.
And I think that kind of woman is exactly who I naturally go for.
I’ll see a girl on Instagram, become interested in her, think about her for days, then shoot my shot. But I’ll usually do it in such a friendly way that she might not even realize I’m flirting.
Then I’ll keep the conversation going. Quick replies, attention, making her feel wanted, keeping her engaged with me.
And somehow, within a week or two, it becomes mutual.
But when I really think about it, I might have been leading these women on without even realizing it.
We like each other, but I usually get the feeling that she likes me more.
And that’s where it gets weird.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve heard stories about men getting completely destroyed by heartbreak. Cheating, betrayal, finding out their girlfriend was with someone else, losing someone they were deeply attached to, etc.
I’ve always looked at that and thought, I never want to be that guy.
I don’t think I could handle it fr
The women I’ve dated have actually treated me really well. They loved me, none of them cheated on me, they gave me gifts, spent quality time with me, gave me companionship, loyalty and intimacy.
Basically, they gave me everything you would expect from someone who genuinely loves you.
And yet I still don’t think I ever let myself fully love them back.
I’ll take them out. I’ll buy them things. I’ll have them over. I’ll spend time with them. I’ll treat them well.
But emotionally, there’s always some kind of distance.
I’ve basically conditioned myself to never get too attached.
I think my reasoning has always been that if I don’t completely fall in love with someone, then they can’t completely break me.
If something happens, I can just walk away.
I don’t have to become the guy who loses his mind because his girlfriend cheated on him. I don’t have to feel like my entire world has collapsed because someone I loved chose someone else.
I know that sounds like I’m trying to control something I can’t control.
And maybe I am.
But I think that’s genuinely how I’ve protected myself.
The strange thing is, I don’t think I’m incapable of caring about someone. I care about the women I date. I enjoy being around them. I want them to be happy. I treat them well.
I just don’t allow myself to become vulnerable enough to actually need them emotionally.
Maybe I’ve confused love with vulnerability.
Maybe I’ve never actually been in love.
Or maybe I’m just afraid of what loving someone gives them the power to do to me.
I’m curious if anyone else has experienced this.
Have you ever realized that you weren’t incapable of love, but were actually keeping yourself from falling in love because you were afraid of what would happen if you got hurt?
TL;DR: I’ve dated women who genuinely loved me and treated me well, but I don’t think I’ve ever allowed myself to fully fall in love. I think I’ve conditioned myself to keep an emotional distance because I’m scared of heartbreak, betrayal and losing control of myself if someone I love hurts me.

Unpopular opinion:
I honestly don’t care how you’re making your money. Whether it’s a regular job, freelancing, training AI models, data annotation, transcription, content moderation, affiliate marketing, flipping products, or some online hustle most people haven’t heard about that’s your business.
What bothers me is when you call someone your friend, watch them struggle financially every day, and never once think, “Let me at least tell them about this.”
I’m not even talking about giving someone free money. I’m talking about putting them on.
Even if it’s something I end up not wanting to do after you explain it, I’d still appreciate that you thought of me. The opportunity to decide for myself is worth something.
Instead, some people would rather buy you drinks every weekend, send you a little cash once in a while, or leave you on read when you ask for help, while making sure you never find out how they’re making their money. They’ll happily spend thousands on alcohol for the group but somehow think sharing knowledge is where they draw the line.
To me, that’s strange.
Friendship isn’t measured by who buys the next round or who occasionally sends you money. It’s measured by whether you genuinely want to see the people around you progress.
And before anyone says, “What if it’s something illegal like money muling?” I’m not saying anyone should involve their friends in illegal activities. I’m saying there’s nothing wrong with simply being honest about what you’re doing instead of keeping it a secret. Let people make informed decisions for themselves. Keeping quiet while pretending you’re just “lucky” has always felt stranger to me than simply telling the truth.
If someone can comfortably watch you remain broke while making sure you never even hear about the opportunities they’re pursuing, I’d start questioning whether they actually see you as a friend or just someone they like having around.

Edit - I’m talking from a hypothetical angle, I’m not affected, i just see this amongst my friend group