AIO for finally leaving my boyfriend after two years even though everyone is saying I gave up too easily?
I (26F) was with my ex boyfriend (29M) for just under two years. From the outside the relationship probably looked fine. We never had screaming fights in public. He was charming around other people, good at conversation, the kind of person who makes a strong first impression. Most of our friends liked him. My family liked him. For a long time I liked him too, or at least I liked who I thought he was.
The problems were not loud. That is the part that made it hard to explain afterward.
It started with small comments about my appearance. Not cruel ones, more like observations delivered with a smile. He would say things like he preferred my hair a certain way, or that a particular outfit made me look tired, or that I seemed more attractive when I was not wearing so much makeup. Each comment on its own sounded like a preference. Together, over months, they added up to a version of me that was constantly being quietly edited.
Then it moved to my friendships. He never told me not to see anyone. He was smarter than that. He would just be in a bad mood on the nights I made plans, or he would send a string of messages while I was out that required responses, or he would bring up something I had done wrong right before I was about to leave so that I spent the whole evening distracted and guilty. After a while it was easier to cancel than to deal with the aftermath. My friendships got smaller without me fully noticing.
When I tried to talk about how I was feeling he had a way of turning the conversation around so smoothly that I would end up apologizing before we were done. He never raised his voice. He would just look hurt and confused and say things like he did not understand where this was coming from or that he felt like he could never do anything right. I would spend the rest of the night reassuring him.
About eight months ago I started quietly keeping a note in my phone. Every time something happened that made me feel small or confused or like I was going crazy, I wrote it down. Not to do anything with it, just to have somewhere to put it. When I read back through it six months later I did not recognize the pattern until I saw it all in one place.
I ended the relationship three months ago. I told him simply that I was not happy and I needed to leave. He cried, then got cold, then told me I was making a mistake and that no one would understand me the way he did. I believed that last part for longer than I should have.
Since then several mutual friends have told me I gave up too easily, that every relationship has rough patches, that he clearly loved me even if he had flaws. One friend said I seemed fine throughout the relationship so it could not have been that bad. I did not know how to explain that seeming fine was something I had worked very hard at.
I know I made the right decision. But sometimes late at night I still find myself going back through that note on my phone just to remind myself that I did.
AIO?