Dementia refuses all help. Feeling helpless!
Hello, my mom is 81 and has been suffering from mild cognitive decline over the past few years. Even before she had memory issues, she only went to the doctor when she was sick, refused to get a mammo, colonoscopy, flu shots, etc. I coaxed her into going for a check-up with her PCP in December. I called the office ahead time to let them know of our concerns. The doctor said she has “significant memory loss” and referred her to a neurologist. Mom does not believe there is anything wrong and the doctor is crazy!
She lives with my Dad. We had to move them in March out of necessity to a more affordable apartment. She has declined significantly since the move. Now she refuses to bathe or change her clothes. Mom was an exceedingly difficult person to deal with even before her memory issues. Lifelong undiagnosed chronic anxiety, and I suspect a non-specific personality disorder.
I’ve consulted with everyone and there just doesn’t seem to be any answers. Her doctor said you can’t force her to go to the doctor or take medicine. I set up an appointment with local senior care elder services and had her meet with a care manger. She is refusing all help and doesn’t think there is anything wrong. Elder services said she has a right to refuse help. Alzheimer’s association gave good referrals which don’t help if she doesn’t want help.
I feel so helpless. My Dad at 85 has no patience and is struggling to take care of her. She is restless and wants to be outside all the time Fortunately, she lives in an elderly (independent living) complex with nice grounds where she can sit on a bench and socialize with others who keep an eye on her.
Sad to say, but I feel like I am waiting for her to fall or get lost before she gets help and those are difficult thoughts to live with. I live an hour away from her and work full-time, so I can’t help as much as I would like to. She is low-income and eligible for so much help but will not accept it. Any advice?