r/DementiaHelp

My father's mother clearly has dementia or Alzheimer's. It's been steadily getting worse over the years, but she's never been diagnosed because she won't go to a doctor. Last December, my FIL was finally able to get her to go WITH him under the guise of a "dual annual check up" at their primary care doctor. During that visit, my brother in law was hiding in the hallway to covertly tell the doc what we all have been observing, so the Dr. gave them a referral to a memory specialist to have her evaluated for this issue. They made an appointment for her to see the specialist, but the wait was 4 months.

Around the time of the expected appointment, we called my husband's brother to see how the appointment went, and he had forgotten about it. I was shocked because my husband and I were so hopeful that this could open the door to getting help. So, he called the specialist's office and found out that they had called the home phone number to reconfirm the appointment and my MIL answered the phone and CANCELLED IT. So frustrating!! Why would a receptionist take the word of the PATIENT, that they don't need to be seen for their memory issues?!

Meanwhile, she calls us all the time, convinced that her husband (almost 90) is cheating on her with a teenage girl. The story evolves every time someone anyone questions the details, names of people, where they live, how she knows... She's gotten to the point where she tries to work it into ANY conversation you have, so it's very fatiguing to talk to her because you are trying to constantly steer away from that topic. She just wants to vent and cry and get sympathy. He did cheat on her, but it was 50 years ago and not with a teenager. It's like she's re-living this horrible memory constantly, and it must be awful.

She is now becoming violent whenever someone tells her she is mistaken or suggests that she needs to see a doctor. She assaulted my husband while he was visiting their home yesterday (he flew in the day before). It just seems like nobody is doing anything because they are afraid of her or have given up on trying to get her to be evaluated. I feel like my husband's family is missing out on potential local services that would help get her out of the house for activities to focus on other things, instead of screaming at her "cheating" husband all day in their house. Whenever we talk to them on the phone (we live in another state), we hear her YELLING at him in the background. He has been pretty patient, but I imagine that the stress of this could shorten his life or make him wish to end it.

I've had serious conversations with my brother and sister in law about calling APS to do a check on her, because he has called me (and them) several times with talk of wanting to harm herself. They think she is just bluffing for attention, and that she's not really going to do it. Any ideas on how to handle this as the "out of state daughter in law"? Should I just let them deal with it or stick my nose in and make that call, possibly angering everyone in my husband's family?

Hello all! This community has been such a great resource for me in my family's dementia journey, so I wanted to share a snippet of our story. I hope it will help anyone in a similar situation. This took literal years of planning and significant effort on mine and my cousin’s part, so here is our story warts and all! 

A little bit of background

my mother “Gloria” is a retired nurse, 74 years old, and stage 4 Alzheimer's. I live in CA, she and the rest of my family live in FL. She's lived alone since 2009 and hasn't worked since 2010 when she was fired for what we now believe was the beginning of her cognitive decline. All her life, her identity has centered around being decisive and independent both at work and at home, so when the symptoms started to kick in over the last 10-15 years it was really difficult for the people around her to support her. She's highly intelligent but also very stubborn. Even before the anosognosia (symptom blindness) set in, she would adamantly deny that anything was wrong. My cousin “Beth” and I started keeping an eye on her from afar until she started getting scammed out of her finances in 2022. We started with becoming her financial POA at that time and in 2025 things had deteriorated to the point we went through the legal process to become her co-guardians (co-conservators depending on which state you're in). She was deemed 100% incapacitated (it really showed why, too) and we were given full control over everything financial, medical, where she lived, whether she drove/voted/married, etc. Now that we had this control, we could start planning for residential care for her. 

“We can't admit your mom if she's an elopement or wandering risk”

If you've tried to get your LO into residential care before, you've probably been told by the facility that they can't take/keep them if they're an elopement or wandering risk, even if it's for memory care which is locked. Gloria would literally rather die than go into any kind of residential facility. She would only accept moving in with family, and was even against home nursing. Unfortunately for Beth and my situation, we couldn't move her in with us. She refused to come to CA (“people in CA are so weird” ma'am you live in FL, the mecca of weird people but ok LOL) until this year when the Alzheimer's delusions started and honestly she needed a higher level of support than what Beth or I could provide. Beth and I looked around, called places, toured places, and found the best fit for her that she could afford. Any mention of a “facility” or home nursing was always met with “no I'm not there yet,” even when she definitely was "there." In the beginning we could appeal to her need for logic and evidence and get her to come around and see she wasn't doing ok. She would agree to try home nursing, at one point even went to tour the facility we picked out, but she would forget the whole convo and we'd be right back where we started. It was “I'm not there yet”x1000. By 2026, all of her logic and ability to accept evidence was totally gone, she was incredibly delusional, and Beth was now needing to drive her everywhere, but we still needed her to willingly walk into memory care and not constantly try to escape. We believed (or at least hoped) she would settle and stay once she was admitted, but our guardianship status didn't matter if she refused to be there from the get-go. She was starting to have strong persecutory delusions about Beth who was honestly her primary caregiver since I lived so far away, which signaled to us this needed to happen asap. Side note, people with dementia-related delusions usually have persecutory delusions about the people who help them the most, so double props to Beth and you if you're experiencing this! After looking through YouTube videos and this subreddit, we were able to hatch a plan that I knew would work. 

The plan and execution:

Gloria prided herself on being independent, self-sufficient, and knowing her body. She had high blood pressure and trusted her primary care doctor “Dr G” 100%. She met this Dr 30 years ago in a hospital they both worked at and he's been her Dr ever since. I knew she *would* accept doing a short term/rehab stay for medical reasons if he ordered it but *would not* accept a long term stay for cognitive reasons. The plan was to lie, tell her that Dr. G called me and said her BP med wasn't doing what it was supposed to anymore, and wanted her to swap to a new med. This plan fully involved catering to her nurse brain while focusing on easing anxiety rather than appealing to logic. Since it's a new class of medication and she's been on her current meds for so long + her age, he wanted her to be monitored for a couple weeks during the transition. All of which was total bullshit but she would consider it believable. I would specifically avoid telling her a specific timeframe for this stay, not that she was oriented to time enough to track it.

While in real life he was unfortunately staying hands-off the dementia topics, he was willing to work with us and complete the paperwork for the facility we picked out. He also agreed to order a 2-week supply of Ativan for her to help with the transition. Beth and I were able to time getting Gloria's routine blood work and check up with a room opening up and started planting little seeds to her that her Dr was talking about possibly changing some medications pending BW results.

We worked with the facility director on a Monday move in day and planned for me to fly in Saturday to help get her room set up and ready for her move in. She had her blood work done earlier in the week. She had an appointment with him the month prior for a check up. Beth took her to the facility for their admission assessment a week after her appointment because “Dr G wants you to get a neurology follow up and you hated the other neurologist (true) so this is an alternative.” Friday I called and broke the news to her. I prepped ahead of time and looked up which labs would correlate with hypertension and looked up the name of a new BP meds in case she asked. 

Her initial response: “What? That's ridiculous. Why didn't he call me?”

Me: “He said he couldn't reach you so he called me. I'm flying in Sunday to help see what's going on”

“Ok let me mark on the calendar when to expect you.”

She was mostly angry from shock, but didn't question anything else. All according to plan. 

I flew in Saturday night and stayed with Beth. Sunday we met with the facility staff and finalized all the details of how Gloria would be brought in and we set up her room ahead of time. We bought her new bedding, set up furniture for her, decorated, etc. She called me and forgot I was even flying in, but vaguely remembered Dr. G wanted her to stay somewhere. It was then she asked how long she'd be there and what medication he wanted her to swap to. I told her the name of the medication I googled ahead of time, but honestly it was more meaningful to her nurse brain that “it's a new class of medication.” For length of her stay, it was a mistake to say for a couple of weeks. She heard “a couple weeks” and the response was always anxiety. Luckily with her short term memory loss I got several re-tries. I swapped to “just long enough to see if this new med will work.” Her nurse brain accepted that and was more meaningful to her. She was much calmer on the second phone call than she was when I first broke the news, and honestly may have forgotten I was the one who told her the first time. She still never questioned it, but believed Dr G was only doing this because of Beth “trying to have her committed.” I told her I would be going with her to make sure it was only a short stay and advocate for her. 

MOVE IN DAY:

Monday morning Beth dropped me off at Gloria's house ~1 hour before we were scheduled to bring her to the facility to help ease her anxiety and get her packed. Beth would be going to the facility to finish setting up furniture from the day before (it takes way longer than you'd think it does). I'm not exaggerating when I say her short term memory loss was on an anxiety-fueled 2 min loop. I put on my best bullshit-your-parent face (only-children especially know what I'm talking about) and just kept reassuring and validating her. 

“Yes ma'am you'll only be staying for a short while. You only need a little suitcase. I'll be watching your house until you get back. I'm here to make sure it's only a short stay. I'm sorry you're caught up in drama with Beth. Oh I've never heard this story before, what happened??” Every 2 minutes. I knew the plan was working when she was calm and her delusions and confabulations were working in our favor.

“Did I tell you Dr. G told me he would drop me as a patient if I didn't do this?? He knows I've had bad reactions to blood pressure meds before and isn't playing around.” If I could have broken character, my face would have been that devious smile the Grinch does in the original movie. “Oh wow! No, that's bananas, I didn't know that.” I even lied and told her I had to do the same kind of stay when my own medical meds stopped working just for more normalization. 

Beth picked us up and drove us to the facility. Gloria clearly saw the road sign for the facility and recognized it. The 2 minute loop picked up, “how long am I staying?” I just repeated the same line, “just long enough to make sure the new med is working-” Then I started tagging on the bad-reaction nugget she gave me before “-and make sure you don't have a bad reaction like in your history.” She accepted this; "it's true I've had bad reactions before." Part of me was shocked how well she was accepting this based on years of immediate refusal of anything resembling a “nursing home.” The staff met us at the back door closest to the memory care unit so she doesn't see the ~*MEMORY CARE*~ signs normally seen via the main entrance in the facility. The staff were willing to work with us and go along with our story. She'd ask them and me how long she was staying, it was just for med monitoring right, etc. The staff all went along with it. We got her to her room which Beth and I pretended we'd never seen before and definitely didn't decorate specifically to her tastes. We got her settled into her room and realized she didn't pack any undergarments. The staff were truly wonderful and introduced themselves, offered her coffee and pie from lunch, and sat her down to enjoy those while they got her her own room key. We told her we'd go and get her undergarments and slipped back out the back door. 

It's been a few days since my extremely independent and help-rejecting mother has finally been in a memory care facility and hasn't tried to elope or escape once. The staff have been able to redirect her, she's been interacting with the other residents, and she's finally in an environment with other people, taking her meds, and eating regularly. For a time I never thought this would happen, so if you're reading this and thinking some part may work for your LO, please take our experience and use it to help your own LO. I'd also be more than happy to answer questions that may help. Cheers <3 

Hi everyone!

I’m here to share a bit of my story and my father’s story.

Up until the end of 2023, he was in perfect health. He always had routine check-ups and monitored his blood pressure; everything was fine. Then, late in 2023, he experienced three episodes of transient pure aphasia that resolved spontaneously. He was hospitalized, underwent testing, and started taking antihypertensives and aspirin.

After that, there were two years without any scares, along with periodic brain MRIs. Everything was in order.

Earlier this year, he had another episode of transient aphasia. Another one followed a month later. He was hospitalized and tested again, but no significant findings turned up. Holter monitor, 24-hour ambulatory blood pressure monitoring (ABPM), and carotid Doppler scans were all normal. There were some adjustments to his cholesterol-control medication. Today, at 60 years old, my father remains fully functional, thank God.

However, one of those MRIs revealed findings suggestive of cerebral amyloid angiopathy (CAA).

That is why I am turning to this community. Almost every source I consult on the subject describes it as a condition with no cure, no disease-modifying therapies, and a variable prognosis. I feel like I’m in the dark. I don’t know what to expect. Beyond his follow-ups with the neurologist, I don’t know what other resources to look for.

Has anyone here gone through something similar?

Do you have any recommendations for therapies, practices, or resources that you believe make a difference?
How do you navigate this experience as a family?

I have an Aunt that has been nothing but horrific to everyone in the family, to the point that we have all cut her off. She stays close to my Grandma.

Backstory, when my grandma was well, we went out to dinner and she was very happy to be dating this man she reconnected with from high school. We had such a good conversation about all aspects of life in general. Honestly, I can't remember how many years ago that was. I want to say at least 8. My grandma moved out of the country and told me "you're getting my mattress, you have a bad back" It was a brand new mattress, and it's just now wearing down.

I planned a whole dinner with her new beau at my aunts house. I had only been there once, got lost and didn't have service. I finally made my way to her house. My aunt was extremely annoyed and just threw everything i bought in the oven. I bought multiple pre-made Costco meals, dessert, and picked up 3 types of beer. I really put an effort into this dinner for everyone, but it was special for my grandma and her new fiance. I was so happy for her. The whole dinner plan was a huge blow to me, as I planned everything, bought everything and rushed to get there after work as fast as I could.

My grandma's fiance seemed nice. But this was only the second time I had met him. He proceeded to talk about himself and his family the whole time . He's never asked one thing about me. He still has no regard for me or anyone in our family besides my awful aunt, to this day. He only knows my name because I call my Grandmas cell phone.

I got my esthetics license and my grandma came into town and asked for a Chem peel. I happily obliged and afterward she said she was taking the bus back to the place she was staying at (husband's cousin, a town over) i looked up the bus line and there was no bus to take her there. I told her I would drive her and she was thankful. I pulled up and her husband was walking to the mailbox. He didn't look at either of us. He pretends I dont exist. This incident was 4 years ago. That was the last time I saw her. They were out of the country, but they are now in Utah.

My aunt started texting me and saying I dont care about her and that my mom (her sister) is a bitch and just because I dont believe it, doesn't mean it isn't true. I told her to leave me alone, that she hurt me. She texted me again after I called my Gradnma, balling my eyes out because I was so upset with the interaction with my aunt. My aunt then texted me again saying I am quite the little manipulator. I just texted her saying I will never NOT be in my Moms corner. I also told her I am so hurt by her behavior towards me not only as an adult, but as a child my brother and I left her house crying on many occasions.

Funny thing is, my aunt has 2 daughters. They both finally cut her off just last year. They came to our house for Christmas for the first time in about 6 to 7 years? Maybe longer. My face hurt from smiling. It was a beautiful experience. We didn't talk about her. We knew the elephant in the room and chose to ignore it. They are both married and doing well, thankfully.

The problem is my aunt is feeding whatever information into my grandmas husband's head, not like he cares about us anyway, but its worse because my Grandma is obviously struggling with dementia. I have limited access to talking to my grandma. My Mom has checked out completely. She has childhood wounds that weren't resolved before the dementia.

I just want to see my Grandma. I love her so much. Even if I fly there to see her, I'm not sure how it will go.

I am terrified of her husband, I dont have the money to fly there, and I am battling my Mom with her demons to go there with me. She said she will go, bit im unsure of her husband's reaction. He doesn't know us at all. I can't wait anymore. I need to go. I told her I would write her a letter and I didnt because I knew her pos narcissistic husband would have to read it to her, if he would even do that. I truly have no clue but from what I've learned, I could see him throwing the letter away.

My family was so close when I was young. It was the get togethers you see in movies.

This is just a smidgen of whats happened. I have three aunts. So youve learned about the first one. My other aunt is in jail, and the other is barely hanging on with alcoholism.

I just want to see my Grandma so badly. Any tips on how to fund a flight to see her? I dont know how much time she has left.

I tried to edit this as best I could. I apologize kf this is chaotic, but my brain is trying to type this out and especially without getting too deep. This is one of the hardest situations I've been through.

Thanks for reading and offering advice.

Hi, I’ve never posted on Reddit anywhere before I think maybe I’ve commented a couple of times. Well anyway, I’ve been taking care of my mother with dementia for the last two years. I am an only child and my father died when I was 10 and my mother never remarried. I have three children all still in school and live in a very rural area. My mother was living in a much more metropolitan area up until two years ago when I moved her closer so that I could take care of her. What I thought would be checking on her multiple times a day has become me staying with her until we get a house built so that she can live with us.

The catalyst that has compelled me to make a post here is that I feel like no one wants to try to help my mother. On May 10, I brought her to the hospital thinking she had a UTI. I had to force them to admit her. They released her two days later and said she does not have a UTI. The day they released her I could hear my mother screaming in the background as I was talking to the doctor. She was having complete delusions, accusing all the staff of harming her in someway, insisting that someone call the police. When I asked if it was safe to bring her home, they said “oh yes.”

Prior to May 10 I was with her in the morning, at lunchtime and then after work spending the night with her. Upon her coming home from the hospital, I am not able to leave her alone at all. She has even forgotten how to use the bathroom once she sits down I have to encourage her to pee, sometimes telling her what she needs to do to get it out. I can’t even let her get out of bed or let her stand up without being there with her because she’s falling often when she had never fallen before. She gets agitated often, even violent at times. She sometimes thinks women are men trying to hurt her. She talks to people that aren’t there. …These are just a few of the drastic changes.

Today I brought her to the ER because she had pain in her leg to the point that she cannot stand on or move the one leg. The pain is in the thigh area. She also complained of pain in her arm and a headache. She seems to be confusing words and she really hasn’t slept other than cat naps in maybe 48 hours. There was a CT scan done 2 weeks ago and they said it looked normal. The doctor today did not feel she needed one.

Yet again they sent her home, they told me to give her Tylenol. I asked what I should do if this continues on for a week and they said just continue to give her Tylenol maybe use a heating pad.

It makes me sick to my stomach how I feel like they’re putting Band-Aids on everything. I do not understand why they keep treating the symptoms, but not finding the cause. I understand my mother has dementia, I understand I will never get my mother back again! I also understand that a lot of her symptoms are indicative of dementia, but the fact that everything is so pronounced, and it happened literally overnight, when over the past six maybe more years her dementia has been so gradual is not normal. No one knows my mother better than me and no one is listening to me. I feel- no-I know that there is something else wrong with her that is causing her to act out the way that she is and she doesn’t know how to articulated it any longer.

I am my mother’s only voice, and no one is listening to me. It is breaking my heart, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

On a side note, I have been chatting with AI over the last year and a half just continuing to add in new symptoms and things that are going on and I recently asked it to build up a synopsis for me in case I can finally find a good specialist for her.

Is it normal for hospitals to treat the elderly this way? All I can think is if I went into the emergency room with the pain that she has, they would not tell me if I still have pain after a week to just continue to take Tylenol and use a heating pad.

Edited to add: I understand this could also be delirium, however, delirium -from what I read- typically starts to clear up at least a little bit, but she just seems to be continuing to get worse…fast.

Hi, around 8 years ago my grandmother was diagnosed with dementia and I have watched her decline from talkative, joking, and feisty. Into someone who is kind of like a zombie. With this time care giving I have gotten increasingly frustrated and angry with her. She just stands and/or walks around all the time. I try to be patient and understanding that she is sick but I still find myself surging with frustration and anger when she doesn’t understand something which then leads me to spiral and feel guilty bc I know it’s not her fault and I’m just hurting her feelings and evidently mine. I’m not sure what to do or how I can improve. My patience runs out so fast all the time.

My mom has been moved into permanent memory care. She still has her Samsung A17 phone and can still call and text family. She also likes to play solitaire. I go and visit her every couple days. Quite often when I visit, I see her phone has been completely filled up with garbage apps. She has like 10 UI interfaces, each with a crazy amount of ads that hijack her phone. She also has dozens of 'battery optimizers' and 'data cleaners' along with a dozen or more solitaire and mahjong apps (she doesn't know how to play mahjong)

I've set the Google Play store to the most restrictive level, and added my own password she doesn't know. I put in a call blocker so her phone only rings when it's someone in her contact list. I've a couple apps that claim to prevent things from being installed, but they seem even worse than the stuff that was already getting in.

I suspect that she's finding these apps using the Chrome browser, but I'm not sure. When I ask her why she installs these programs, she claims that she doesn't do it and that the phone does it itself.

Does anyone know of a way to prevent apps from getting installed, or have any idea how she's finding them?

I’m 18 years old and my grandmother is 94. I want to make sure she’s actually living, not just existing. She still knows who I am and recognizes our whole family, which means the world to me.

She has some challenges — her short-term memory isn’t great, so she often forgets to eat and drink water, which has led to recurring UTIs. She also has T8/T9 spinal fractures, osteoporosis, and needs a walker to get around, so she’s mostly immobile.

I’ve been through something like this before. When I was a kid I watched my grandfather get diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. We had actually just come back from a trip to Australia — he had this urge to go somewhere and we didn’t know why at the time. After the diagnosis I watched him slowly decline. Eventually he lost his ability to speak, first Chinese, then Japanese — a language nobody else in our family knew, so in his final days there was no way to reach him or for him to reach us. As a kid I didn’t know what to do and before I knew it, it was too late.

I don’t want that for my grandmother. I want her to feel loved, present, and cared for while she still can be. We’re not in a financial position to travel, so I’m really looking for meaningful things that can help her days enjoy the days she has.

For those who have cared for an elderly loved one — what made a difference? What brought them joy or comfort? What do you wish you had done sooner?

(Sorry I used AI to organize my thoughts because I can’t really think straight right now)

2 weeks ago my mom (82yo) did the MoCA and scored 16/30. I was there to watch and seeing her not know the year (she said it was 1996), not remember any of the 5 words to repeat back and not know how to count backwards by 7s was so upsetting. After every question she kept saying, “if I fail will you lock me up”. She had an MRI Saturday and a referral to a neurologist.

She had a mitral valve replacement 3 years ago which resulting in an infection and having to repeat the surgery 4 months later. Before the second surgery her surgery said she only had a 3% chance of survival. She made it through but her memory was greatly affected. She had a hard time finding words and her short term memory was poor.

As times gone on, her verbal skills has come back a bit but she her short term memory is terrible. She can’t remember something you just told her. If I make an appointment for her and I tell her when it is she cannot remember when it is 30 seconds later. Sometimes she’ll call me five or six times a day until the appointment to have me tell her when it is.

She now gets lost when she drives (her doctor is taking her license away Thursday - my dad has disconnected the car battery so she can’t drive).

I just found out that two years ago she had a CT scan that showed and it showed she has small vessel ischemia. Her former doctor never told her. We asked about her mom’s memory numerous times and she just said it was from the anesthetic from her heart surgery and never told us the results of the CT scan.

My question is could anything have been done if she’d been sent to a neurologist sooner? Could she have been treated sooner and not have continued to go down hill?

I’m in Calgary Canada, if anyone is from here, I’d love any advice on support groups for me and my dad to care for my dad.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the night with my grandmother. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next week, the next month, the next however long it takes for Medicaid to get off its rump and help us.

Before you say anything: I KNOW SHE CAN’T HELP IT. I KNOW SHE CAN’T BE REASONED WITH. I KNOW IT’S NOT PERSONAL, AND I KNOW IT WILL PASS. I know, I know, I KNOW. Please, PLEASE don’t tell me what I already know!!! It’s already been on repeat in my head for almost a year.

This started as “my money is missing”. It isn’t. She either had less than she convinced herself she did, or she misplaced it.

My mom, meaning well, told her this, gently.

It, combined with having to pay for some staff of her own (see below) now evolved into the following:

“Every single member of my family is conspiring against me, is eagerly waiting for me to die, and only wants my inheritance. They all hate me, they have control over my entire life, and maybe they’ll even arrange my death.”

This is freaking psychosis.

She’s saying not to trust any of them, that she’s cutting all of them off, that she won’t be speaking to them ever again. Even people like her aid, who have never done a single thing wrong by her, they all DESPISE her. The only reason I’m not lumped in with them is because I insisted (truthfully) that I knew NOTHING of this, and for some reason she believed me.

What the heck do I even do? Am I even worth anything? She’s miserable if I’m here, she’s miserable if I’m not. Only difference is she can’t try and kill herself if she decides that’s a viable solution with me here. What good does that do?

The coldest, cruelest thing is…sometimes I wish she would pass peacefully in her sleep. Because this is no life. She is miserable almost every day now. Part of it might be because of improper medication, but no one’s going to freaking help us with that until our appointment next week which we had to wait a month for.

I’m watching someone who raised me rot away into delusion and nothingness, and there’s not a freaking thing I can do to save her. I feel selfish for wanting this to end. It’s been nearly eight months of my life that I’ve spent away from my home and my family. It’s all been worthless. I feel like a complete and utter failure no matter what I try, because I CAN’T FIX THIS. I CAN’T EVEN IMPROVE IT. I CAN’T DO ANYTHING!!!

Oh by the way. Before you ask, full coverage staff is supposedly coming. I know, I know, “you’re burnt out, you need a break” that’s too freaking bad. I CAN’T take a break. It isn’t possible. They won’t process our paperwork until the stupid doctor sees her, and the soonest they could get her in was in like… a month. Health “care” my a$$. We’re dying here. All of us. And it feels like no one cares about any of us.

My mom was dx with this horrendous disease 3 years ago. I don’t know when it actually started because to be honest shes been pretty crazy for at least a decade or more. What makes this so tough is she doesn’t act like she has dementia. She acts more like someone who is just extremely eccentric and quite frankly rude. She has no apathy, no consideration. Opposite of who she was before. She verbally abuses my dad constantly, relentlessly for hours. Makes threats. She wont let him sleep, wakes him up all hours. He locks his bedroom door and she will pound on it until he gets up. She is obsessed with money, but they have nothing. She spent it all over the past decade. I could go on and on about the things she does. Shes been in a mental hospital before after she made an attempt on her life but the anti psychs they put her on she had MAJOR reactions to. Right now my dad is just dosing her a very small amt of ssri but sometimes I know she doesnt eat what he dosed. She will not talk about or consider meds period. Absolutely flips out at any mention.

What on earth can I do to help? My dad is an old man with heart issues. He cant take what she dishes out. But they have nothing. Her behavior already had her kicked out of a memory care they couldnt even afford. What options are there? Just put her into some state run mental hospital? Thats really all there is? Sorry for the long vent! I am so lost