u/Both_Donut_3222

I’m currently in g11 and planning to apply to UBC next year. But my mental health status just has gotten worse and worse since last year (I have moderate depression and anxiety) and pills didn’t make anything better, sometimes the physical symptoms can distract me during classes and assessments. I was very sad cuz I was an academically strong student but I found focusing in classes and studying harder and harder in term2. (School counselor didn’t help much)
So I signed up A LOT of self paced online courses after discussion with my parents. Will I get penalized when applying, I heard ppl say online schools are just very easy and colleges hate them.
Is there any chance I can get into UBC science/Kin with 92 avg…

Idk what can help me now

This might sounds very immature. But I'm really struggling. Please don't mock me. Thank you.

I'm a high school student (Chinese born Canadian). I grew up doing ballet, then fell in love with Chinese classical and folk dance after moving to Canada. But I can't watch any Chinese dance live shows here.

I push myself hard academically (good university, good job, social respect). But every time i go online I see dancers on stage, I think: that's what I really want. Even just standing in a corner of the stage, with lights and applause, that feeling means everything to me. But I'm an amateur. No matter how well I dance, no one will come to see me.

In China, to become a professional dancer, you need at least 10 years of full-time dance school and a diploma. Given my age and where I am, it's impossible.

So I'm asking: how do you cope when you know your dream will never happen?

These thoughts are hurting my daily life. I already struggle with procrastination, bad sleep, and moderate anxiety. I can't afford to dwell on this, but I can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes I wish I had never loved dance at all.