u/Bradghost

35M. I’ve been single for about 18 months after a 10-year relationship, and I have two toddler daughters with my ex.
Since becoming single I feel like I’ve tried all the usual advice you see online: exercise, eat better, work on yourself, focus on your career, get back out there and meet people, etc.

Dating has probably been the hardest part. I jokingly feel like I’ve been on 100 dates, although realistically it’s probably closer to 20 since last year. I recently met someone I really liked, we went on two dates, and afterwards she told me she didn’t feel a romantic connection.

Obviously that’s completely fair, but I’m finding the whole cycle exhausting. Meet someone, get hopeful, start liking them, then end up back at square one again.
I don’t think I’m a terrible catch. I’m quite a funny guy, I don’t think I’m horrible looking, although I am overweight and I know that’s something I need to work on.

At the same time, work is becoming another source of stress. I’m self-employed and things are drying up again, so I’m constantly worrying about money and what comes next. The problem is that the stress seems to completely kill my motivation and energy, which then makes it even harder to do the things that might actually improve my situation.

I woke up today after the latest dating disappointment and just had that horrible thought of, “What’s the point of trying so hard at all of this?”

I’m not expecting someone on here to magically fix my life. Sorry for the thought dump. I think I’m just in yet another rut and I’m exhausted from repeatedly trying to drag myself out of them. When does this peace start that everyone keeps going on about?

I’m 35M and she’s 36F. Went on a date 9 days ago and was meant to meet again tonight. Been texting all week and it seems like interest is there.

2 days ago she asked to reschedule tonight but immediately offered up 5 different days. I picked Sunday and said we could do a longer 2nd date as she was free all day. I never asked for any explanation. She doesn’t owe me any and because she didn’t say why I assumed it was a personal thing.

We texted as normal yesterday and today. But since afternoon she’s just gone radio silence which is out of character for her. I have my suspicions she’s on another date. This is a big no for me. I said in the last date I hate serial dating and I won’t personally physically date more than 1 person at a time. I might talk to a couple but won’t arrange a date with a 2nd girl until I know what’s what.

I like this girl but would like to ask her about what happened without sounding annoyed or intrusive. Should I just wait and ask her on Sunday when we meet? I don’t want to sabotage the 2nd date before it’s happened. But at the same time I don’t want to pursue her if she’s using me as an option. It’s a big turn off for me.

I am a software engineer and am essentially the CTO/Developer of a product me and 2 others run. They are commercial side and I build and support the tech side. We all own 33% each and made about £30k gross in the last 18 months.

I had this idea for an app around the same time 18 months ago and it kinda morphed into something new about 6 months ago. I've been building it on the side slowly but in the last month or so I've decided to ramp it up a notch as the other product I'm working on has kinda gone into auto-pilot and I'm not putting in as much time.

Since I ramped things up with my own project my 2 business partners have asked me to help them with, yet another, new project... It is a sister project to the 1st one we worked on.

I know this could get confusing so I'll summarise now...

Project A - 33% ownership between 3 partners started 18 months ago turning over £30k.
Project X - 100% ownership just me just kicking things off with 10 beta testers.
Project B - 7.5% ownership (there is a reason for this I'll explain in the next paragraph). Started MVP. No turnover.

The idea for project B didn't come overnight. They've been talking to me about the concept for about 4-6 months. I haven't mentioned ANYTHING about my project to them. Not for nefarious reasons but because I just didn't want them thinking I wasn't invested in our joint ventures. What's odd is there is some overlap between the projects. And, apparently, they came up with this idea 5 years ago but never properly acted on it... But there is absolutely no overlap between the industries they are for. Project X is aimed at trades/SMEs and the new Project B company is aimed at content creators. The reason I was only offered 7.5% is because they have their own company together running an agency and because they have claimed they came up with this idea years ago they have other people in their agency who want equity so cannot give me the 33% I should get if it was just us 3.

I 99% am sure there is no conflict of interest. But I don't want them getting weird about the fact I've started my own thing and if they did ask about it then I'd have to explain what it is and they might perceive it as me "stealing" the IP even though I have been building this long ago with Git history commits and Canva marketing material to prove it if it came to that. And they came up with a similar thing before I even did.

Because my own Project X is basically in beta already. I have been taking some of the code and implementing it into the MVP for Project B. I can't really not do this as I am the guy developing everything. I can't exactly erase my brain between context switching...

I really don't know how to tackle this and need advice. I know it will probably have to be a conversation I have. But I guess I'm asking for advice on how to have that conversation while still being able to work with them.

I've been separated from my ex now for 18 months, divorce is ongoing and we are amicable. Have 2 children aged 3 and 4. I am a business owner and let's just say I am in a trough period right now. My recent contract with a client has just ended. Have 1 invoice yet to be paid which should get me to about September/October financially if I really spread it out. I have no reserves because I was out of work for about a year before and after the seperation and built up a lot of debt and had to sell the house which had no equity so didn't really help. I'm still in debt and am going to have to put a hold on repayments until I find another contract or my startup takes off which is unlikely as it's very early stages.

I'm really struggling to focus on the business. I've had the kids for probably about 70-80% of the May, June and now July due to my ex having some medical issues. But I am in a position right now where I'm having to take care of the kids all the time when I'm not getting out there and getting business.

I see lots of Dad's on Instagram who have had "glow ups" and lost loads of weight and get back into dating and life seems to be better for them. I'm not one of those Dad's. I'm still hung up on the divorce. I really don't like my ex for how she handled out break up but I stay amicable only for my kids. I'm still overweight without lack of trying but I lost some now put it all back on.

I'm terrified about getting into more debt, staying fat, staying single. My ex seems to be doing way better than me not that it's a competition but I'm really struggling every day and just feel like I'm trying to stay afloat where she's on a luxury cruise if that makes sense? She's not even taking me to the cleaners on the divorce, just wants a clean break and we have a private arrangement of £200 a month for child maintenance until I can afford to pay more.

Any advice from other Dads who run a business with 2 young children would be really good to hear from you.

Not that I don't want it from others, I just think business dads are probably more akin to my issues.

Really sorry in advance for the long post. I just wanted to get it all out.

I’ve been divorced from a 10-year marriage for about 18 months now. We have two young kids, aged 4 and 3.

The first few months were brutal. I moved back in with my parents, which felt reluctant on their part from the start. Around the same time, I lost my job and ended up out of work for nearly a year.

Going through a divorce, losing my home, losing my family unit, and then losing my income all at once was probably the hardest period of my life.

For a while, things seemed to improve. I eventually got back into work, found some stability, and thought I was moving forward. But lately it feels like I’ve started going backwards.

One thing I’ve noticed since the divorce is that my already small circle of friends has gradually disappeared. At my peak, I probably had eight people I’d consider close friends. Now I genuinely don’t have a single friend I regularly see or even message.

During the worst period of my life, very few people seemed interested in how I was doing. Over time, I became much less willing to chase relationships that felt one sided.

Two of my closest friendships really brought that into focus.

One friend gave up drinking, which I completely respect. But since then he’s turned down every invitation I’ve made poker nights, quiz nights, even just going out for a meal at places we used to enjoy.

What gets to me is that when his alcoholic ex was messing him around and I could see him isolating himself, I made a real effort to keep him connected.

The other is a friend I’ve known for over 20 years. She rarely responds to messages, ignored an invitation to my kid’s birthday party, and generally seems uninterested unless I make all the effort.

Eventually, I told her how one sided the friendship had felt for years and that I was tired of being the one maintaining it.

Since moving back to my hometown, I’ve started going to a local family pub. I thought it might be a good way to meet people and rebuild some sort of social life.

The problem is that I constantly feel like an outsider.

Most of the regulars are families. They all seem to have their lives together, sitting there with their partners and children, while I’m the divorced guy in his 30s turning up on his own.

Sometimes I go there with my kids, but their children are mostly around 10 years old, so even then I don’t really feel part of the group.

I have a few people’s numbers, but nobody ever messages me. They’re friendly enough when I’m there, but that’s where it begins and ends.

Some days I turn up, it’s empty, and I just leave.

On top of the struggles with friendships and rebuilding my life, I’ve recently had a major falling out with my parents and sister.

I’m the oldest of four siblings. I have one sister and two younger brothers, and my sister and I have always clashed.

A couple of weeks ago, during a heatwave, I took my kids over to my parents’ house to use their pop-up pool. My parents were away, but we’d always been the type of family where everyone could just pop round without needing permission.

In fact, while they were away, they’d asked me to go over and feed their rabbits because my sister wasn’t available.

The next day, a message appeared in the family group chat saying the house was now off-limits and that my sister had been told to keep it locked.

Something in me just snapped.

I was angry that I’d been trusted to do favours for them while they were away, but apparently letting their grandchildren cool off in a paddling pool during a heatwave crossed a line.

I reacted badly and told them exactly how out of order I thought it was.

My mum said I was being rude. I left the family group chat and haven’t spoken to any of them since. They’ve been back for over a week now.

Around the same time, my sister messaged me, and I ended up unloading years of frustration.

I told her how unsupported I’ve felt since the divorce. How, when I moved back in with my parents with nowhere else to go, it often felt like they were trying to push me out before I was financially stable enough to leave.

How one of my brothers and his girlfriend used to spend loads of time with me and my ex, but after the separation it felt like I disappeared from their lives overnight.

I also brought up something that’s bothered me for a long time.

My dad had his 50th birthday abroad over Christmas and New Year. Everyone in the family was invited except me.

That meant my first Christmas and New Year after the divorce was spent largely alone. I barely saw my kids because they were with my ex and her family.

Meanwhile, my entire family was away celebrating together.

I told my sister how much that hurt, and by that point years of resentment were pouring out. I basically told her that I’m exhausted by relationships that feel like they only work when I’m the one making the effort.

The problem is that now I feel like I’m on some kind of rampage.

Every time someone disappoints me, my instinct is to cut them off.

Part of me feels justified because I’m tired of accepting relationships that feel one sided. But another part of me can see what it’s doing to my life.

I’m more isolated than I’ve ever been.

I’m lonely. I’m angry. And if I’m honest, I feel more lost now than I did a year ago.

I always thought time was supposed to make things easier. For a while it did. But lately it feels like everything is moving in the wrong direction again.

Has anyone else gone through something similar after divorce?

Did you ever get to a point where you stopped feeling let down by everyone around you?

I came out of a 10-year marriage early last year, ended up in serious debt, lost work, had to sell my house and came very close to becoming homeless.

I’ve partly recovered now, but my current contract is ending soon and I’m terrified of ending up in that position again.

While I’ve still got money coming in, I want to put around £5k–£7k into a small van and basic build. Not for luxury, but as a safety net if things go wrong again.

I work remotely, and it would also let me stay closer to my kids so I can help with school mornings, as I currently live over an hour away.

I know nothing about vans. Driven some rentals before. I am looking at a Vauxhall Vivaro and am good with DIY having done lots of stuff to my house before selling it. A Vivaro is quite small and I know but it would only be for me to sleep over night in and a pull away couch/bed to work in on my laptop. In the future, if I like it. I will probably build a bigger van to house my kids too but the requirement now is just for me and can have 2 of them up front when driving.

My main questions are...

1 - Can I do this on my budget?
2 - When buying a van what should I look out for?

I have found some vans online between 2k-3k but they are 100k miles and in cars that's quite high. Not sure if normal for a van?